The 'Succession' Insults Of Season 3 Mean War For The Roys

- Succession -
The 'Succession' Insults Of Season 3 Mean War For The Roys

The characters of Succession may not excel at interpersonal relationships or even business dealings. (Seriously, are any of them good at their jobs?) But the one thing they all excel at is making other people feel teeny-tiny. The insults on Succession Season 3 may not always be eloquent, but they do always require you to have thick skin.

The best insult slinger in the Roy family is none other than the patriarch, Logan. But the kids learned from the best, so they're no slouches either... even if Logan doesn't think any of them are fit to fill his CEO shoes. Besides the requisite "fuck you"s and "fuck off"s, here are all the insults of Succession Season 3.

1. "You Wanna Suck My Dick?"

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Clearly, this is the only appropriate way to respond when your son asks you, "Um... Dad? Want me to ride with you?" Who needs a kiss from daddy when he's offering the chance of fellatio?

2. "I'm Gonna Grind His Fucking Bones To Make My Bread."

Who: Logan to Kendall via Jess

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: "I'm gonna run up off the fucking beanstalk," Kendall retorts back, but his reference to Jack and the Beanstalk doesn't have the same sting to it. Fee-fi-fo-fum, fucker.

3. "So, Don't Act Like A Cunt To Me Because It Won't Fucking Wash!"

Who: Logan to Kendall via Jess

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Kendall won't even know his dad said this one unless he reads the email Jess documented it in.

4. "Yeah, Well, Everything's High Risk If You're A Pussy."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Shiv was advising caution when it came to messing with the Department of Justice, but Roman is playing hardball to impress dad.

5. "Go On, Fuck Off Back There, Tumbledown Dick."

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: This one seemed almost loving, as Logan directed his youngest son back to NYC while tousling his hair. But "Tumbledown Dick" was the nickname for Richard Cromwell — Oliver Cromwell's son who succeeded his father as Britain's "Lord Protector" but only lasted in the position for less than a year. To further the parallels, Oliver Cromwell's nickname was Old Ironsides.

6. "Just The Fresh Face We're Looking For."

Who: Frank to Karl

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: As Logan's current favorite punching bag, Frank's got to let it out somewhere.

7. "Karl, If Your Hands Are Clean It's Only Because Your Whorehouse Also Does Manicures."

Who: Logan to Karl

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Something tells me Karl isn't going to get out of this cruise ship sex scandal unscathed.

8. "You're Not Trusted. You're Mashed Potatoes."

Who: Logan to Frank

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Compared to the salad Logan later ate, I'd be pleased to be called mashed potatoes.

9. "Watch It, Fuckhead!"

Who: Tom to Hugo

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: While not many of the Succession insults are warranted, Hugo's cavalier reference to suicide (even if snidely amusing) might be one of them.

10. "So, We Lost Lisa? I Guess You Fucked It? Your Friend Doesn't Like You?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Guess Shiv's friend relationship with Lisa Arthur wasn't as solid as she thought. Bonus points to Roman for the song afterward as well.

11. "It's Fine! It's Good. It's Like When Someone Breaks Something Beautiful And It Reminds You That Nothing Lasts."

Who: Rava to Kendall (and Greg and Naomi)

When: Episode 1, "Secession"

Why: Should've noted the dust on the wine bottle, Greg!

12. "You Tell Yourself You're A Good Person, But You're Not A Good Person."

Who: Kendall to Shiv

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Less of an insult and more just the straight-up truth.

13. "Oh, Sweet! Are We Gonna Be Wearing Costumes That You Have Designed, Asshole?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Could Succession please put the four Roy siblings in matching outfits at a media appearance?

14. "Hmm, Don't He Use That Tongue Prettier Than A 20-Dollar Whore?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Even Ewan Roy may be impressed with Kendall's fancy use of "epiphenomenal."

15. "You Can't Hide Under The Covers With Mommy... Oh, You Love Showing Your Pee-Pee To Everyone, But Someday, You Know, You're Actually Gonna Have To Fuck Something."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: As Connor notes, this one hit a bit too close to home for old Roman.

16. "It's A Fucking Scrotum Over A Timpani Drum."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: If you weren't sure how much of a stretch Kendall's position that he'd be CEO over the new Waystar Royco was, Roman provides this colorful example.

17. "Well, Fine. You're Irrelevant ... You're Not Wanted."

Who: Kendall to Connor

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Connor may be the black sheep (like Roman said, "Like he hasn't heard that enough in his life"), but Kendall doth protest too much.

18. "You're A Fucking Moron."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Roman got the least of Kendall's sibling-directed wrath.

19. "Is It The Goddamn Donuts? Have You Been Spooked By Fucking Donuts? That's Pathetic, Shiv."

Who: Kendall to Shiv

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: To be fair, I'd be spooked by Logan's donuts too.

20. "Fuck You, Plastic Jesus."

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Kendall's claiming to be a savior for the victims of the cruise ship sex scandal, but he's full of false promises.

21. "It's Only Your Teats That Give You Any Value! So, You Know, It's Only Your Teats."

Who: Kendall to Shiv

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Considering all this lovely misogyny he throws Shiv's way, the "plastic Jesus" comment really was quite accurate.

22. "Yeah, You're A Prick. You're A National Fucking Prick!"

Who: Kendall to Connor

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Fratricide is not a good look for a national figure.

23. "Good Night, You Fucking Prick. Idiot."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Kendall was on a prick roll.

24. "Oh, Yeah, Sure. Captain Cuddles."

Who: Shiv to Logan

When: Episode 2, "Mass in Time of War"

Why: Logan claimed he wanted Shiv to hug him when he got off the plane from Sarajevo, but Shiv knows it's just for the publicity. But despite this quip, she's still caught in Daddy's web.

25. "It's A Mint, You Doofus. Take One. Your Breath Really Does Stink."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: When Greg seriously considers Logan's "cyanide pill," Tom uses it as an excuse to make fun of Cousin Greg's breath. But don't sweat it, Greg — who can even smell your breath when your head is feet above most everyone else's?

26. "You Sold Your Ass For A Watch? I'll Buy You A Watch, Dickwad. Just Fucking Come Over."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Unlike Kendall, I bet Tom really would've bought Greg a watch.

27. "Kendall Roy Is Not A Hero, Fam. He's Bootleg Ross With A Daddy Complex."

Who: Twitter user about Kendall via Greg

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Bad tweet! Bad tweet!

28. "Fuck The Patriarchy."

Who: Kendall to... the patriarchy

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Nailed it, Ken.

29. "Or Do You Not Actually Give A Fuck And It's All Just Ego?"

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Shiv may have been insulting Kendall at the journalism ball, but Kendall's the one feeling sorry for her as she's under daddy's thumb.

30. "What Is That Look? Don't Get Weird On Me. I'm Not Your Fucking Sugar Daddy, Cheapskate."

Who: Kendall to Greg

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Cousin Greg has every right to get weird cause Kendall owes him a $40,000 watch.

31. "See, The Problem Is Kendall Roy Suffers From A Severe Case Of What Doctors Call Caucasian Rich Brain. What Happens Is Genetically Inherited Wealth And Whiteness Cause Neural Pathways In The Brain To Constrict And Make The Patient Believe He's Woke, When He's Just A Total Fucking Jackass."

Who: Sophie Iwobi about Kendall

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Ziwe's Sophie has made a habit of featuring her favorite white man, also known as "a jar of mayonnaise in a Prada suit," on her show. This one got to Kendall as he sat watching it again on his phone the next day.

32. "He's Just Jerking Off His Invisible Friend."

Who: Kendall to Greg

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: What's a $40,000 watch worth if it doesn't tell time?

33. "I, Uh, Saw Your Little Interview … 'Ooh! I Wuv My Daddy.' ... I Never Figured You For A F*ggot."

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: Clearly, the Roy patriarch is just "kidding" when he calls his son a homophobic slur for demonstrating love for him on TV.

34. "Yeah, And I'm Like, Heartbroken, Because I Had So Many Names I Was Going To Call Him. Wokestar Royco. Benedickhead Arnold. Paranoid Kendroid."

Who: Sophie Iwobi about Kendall

When: Episode 3, "The Disruption"

Why: The late-night talk show host didn't get the chance to say these directly to Kendall's face, but a national audience isn't a bad consolation prize. Ziwe told Variety she was a big fan of "Benedickhead Arnold."

35. "Wow! Holy Shit! Gang's All Here, Huh? It's Like The Fucking Sergeant Pepper Of Broken Corporate America."

Who: Kendall to Gerri, Frank, Carl, Shiv, Roman, et al.

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Little Lord Fuckleroy doesn't appreciate being on a Waystar conference call.

36. "Oh, Hey, Shiv! Thanks For The Letter. First-Rate Composition. Really Fucking Horrible."

Who: Kendall to Shiv

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: This response to Shiv's letter is a far cry from Kendall sitting broken and hiding at Sophie Iwobi's show.

37. "Yeah, Okay, Well, Sure, Mom."

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Kendall seems sincere when he tells Shiv, "I don't know if me and you come back from that," which might explain why he comeback is so lame.

38. "Hey, Accountability's A Fucker. The Feds Find Your Nipple Clamps, Karl?"

Who: Kendall to Karl

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: If even a quarter of the Roy insults about Karl's extracurricular activities are accurate, Karl really is a dirty dog.

39. "Fuck Off! With Who? Montgomery Clift? The Ghost Of Christmas Past?"

Who: Roman to Gerri

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Roman is not OK with Gerri dating and deflects with some ageist jokes about old Laurie.

40. "Look At You. Shaking Like A Fucking Leaf."

Who: Logan to Greg

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Apparently, Logan didn't really mean it when he said, "What Greg wants, Greg must have."

41. "Remember When You Had That, Uh, Play Post Office? And You Used To Stamp All The Mail That Came Into The House? … This Is A Little Bit Like That. Isn't It, Shiv?"

Who: Connor to Shiv

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Shiv can't get any respect in her new power position at Waystar Royco, even from her older brother.

42. "You Want Me To Run Back And Grab You A Banana, Or A Power Bar, Or Something?"

Who: Josh to Logan

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Maybe Josh was just being nice offering some snacks for Logan's "low blood sugar," but King Kong really could've benefitted from a banana on their walk.

43. "I Don't Wanna Do It! I Don't Wanna Do It! I Don't Wanna Do It! Neither Do I, Greg! It Was A Joke, You Idiot. You're So Hard To Riff With. I Mean That Is A Big Career Obstacle Right There For You. Big!"

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Tom may want Greg to be his castrated wife, but that doesn't mean he won't stop insulting him... especially as he becomes more unhinged with the fear of jail time hanging over his head.

44. "You Okay, Son? Some Of Those Drugs You Do Can Make You Paranoid. Is That Right?"

Who: Logan to Kendall

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: There's been no solid proof that Kendall is using again, but regardless, that doesn't stop his family from using his substance use disorder against him.

45. "City Boy, Huh? Well, You're A Bit Far From Your Nearest Coffee And Bagel."

Who: Logan to Josh Aaronson

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Kendall calls Logan out for his thinly-veiled antisemitic remarks to Josh.

46. "You Know Something, Son? I'd Sooner Get Fucked By A Sp*c In A Shower Block Than See You Have It."

Who: Logan to Kendall

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Logan's racist remarks continue.

47. "You've Lied So Much You Don't Even Fucking Know Anymore. Your Brain's Scrambled Egg, Look At You."

Who: Kendall to Logan

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Logan's brain may be no Tomlette, but it sure is scrambled.

48. "Uh-Huh, Look At You. You're 600 Years Old And You've Pissed Off Your Fucking Boyfriend, The President, And He's Sending The Feds On You And You're Wriggling, But You're In Too Deep. Everyone Knows. And Now You're Trying To Counter But You've Put Shiv In There And She's A Fucking Dipshit. I Hear No One Respects Her. Everyone's Digging Her Out. And You're Losing Control, And Everyone Hates You."

Who: Kendall to Logan (and Shiv, indirectly)

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Kendall closes out strong with the very-mature, "Everyone hates you."

49. "I Think, Maybe, Why Don't You Just Think About Your Dad Right Now, Huh? Right, Ken?"

Who: Josh Aaronson to Kendall

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: Josh demonstrates that a subtle jab can sometimes hit harder than just screaming, "Fuck off!" at one another.

50. "You Tried To Assassinate Our Dad With The Sun. Do You Have A Fetish For Nearly Killing Dad? Like, 'Just The Tip' But For Like Killing Dad?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 4, "Lion in the Meadow"

Why: If Kendall is indeed trying to kill Logan, he's going to have to try harder than a little heat exhaustion.

51. "Yo, Yo! You Sweating Me, On Golden Pond? … There He Is! The Panic Meister Cooking Up His Sweaty Spaghetti. So, What Bullshit Are You Selling Me Today, Frank?"

Who: Kendall to Frank

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: In case you missed the reference to the Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn 1981 movie, Kendall's telling the panic meister that he's old.

52. "How'd You Fuck It Up?"

Who: Shiv to Gerri and Karl

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Shiv was right to not be confident in Waystar Royco's leadership to settle with Stewy and Sandy.

53. "Is This What We Pay The Proxy Solicitor Team For? You Know, If I Were To Give Greg Five Million, He'd Go, 'Ooh, It Looks Bad!' You Know?"

Who: Tom to Maya (and Greg)

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Even when insulting the proxy solicitor team, Tom takes a shot at Greg.

54. "The Cavalry Has Arrived. Great, It's So Essential You're Here."

Who: Roman to Connor

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Poor future president Connor isn't wanted (again) at the shareholder meeting.

55. "Oh, Bummer. I Guess He'll Have To Make Time, Madam Secretary. Unless He Wants Me To Go Public And Take A Big Blacklight To Our Semen-Stained Family Scrapbook, Maybe He Ought To Fit Me In, Yeah?"

Who: Connor to Shiv (and the Roy family)

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: I wonder if Connor was a fan of the Téa Leoni show?

56. "Shouldn't You Be On A Rainbow Soapbox Somewhere, Screaming, 'Time's Up'?" … Well, You Should Save It For Vanity Fair, Bro. I'm All Good."

Who: Stewy to Kendall

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Stewy's not far off from what Kendall actually does later in the episode when he lists the names of the women who experienced sexual abuse during the shareholder meeting.

57. "Yeah, You've Been Doing Some Panicky Late-Night Googling There, Karl?"

Who: Roman to Karl

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Roman calls out Karl for knowing the late-stage symptoms of syphilis.

58. "I Feel Like I Just Have To Put It Right Out There. Say It. Since There's An 85 Billion Dollar Baby On The Table Here. How Do I Know That He's Not Your... Meat Puppet?"

Who: Roman to Sandy, Daughter Sandi, and Stewy

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Shockingly, the Roys are not the most sensitive to the debilitating health condition that Sandy Furness has.

59. "Oh, I Just Do What My Dad Tells Me, Like You Guys."

Who: Daughter Sandi to Roman and Shiv

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: The Roys don't like being called out for being Daddy's good little kids.

60. "Um, With All Due Respect, Gerri, Get Bent!"

Who: Roman to Gerri

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Clearly, Roman's feelings for Gerri are negatively impacting his insults when she tries to let Sandy win on vetoing any Roy children ever becoming CEO.

61. "You'll Probably Be Fine. They Don't Want To Send Bottom Feeders To Prison. They'll Probably Just Fuck You And Chuck You To Get To The Red Meat."

Who: Kendall to Greg

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Nothing like soothing somebody by telling them they're a bottom feeder.

62. "What Fucking Business Is It Of Yours?"

Who: Logan to Greg

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Only Tom is allowed to be part of Logan's trips to the potty!

63. "We Are A Complicated Coalition. And Sandy Is The Angriest Fucking Vegetable. … The Fucking Belligerent Zucchini Here Is Set To Close The Negotiations For Good."

Who: Stewy to Sandy via Kendall

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Stewy is also rather unsympathetic about Sandy's health.

64. "When Did He Say That? Because He Was Definitely Out Of It When He Said That. ... I Guarantee You, He Wasn't. It Sounds Like He's Been Out Of It For A While."

Who: Shiv to Connor

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Shiv can't accept a world where Logan sanely offered Connor European cable.

65. "Oh, Do You? The Fucking Hercule Poirot Of Fucking Piss Over Here."

Who: Roman to Tom via Shiv and Connor

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Tom's rivaling the Agatha Christie detective in the Case of the Piss-Mad Logan.

66. "Can He Do The Speech? The Demented Fucking Piss-Mad King Of England?"

Who: Roman to Logan via Karolina

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Roman doesn't think Logan is fit for the job of giving a speech to the shareholders once he started hallucinating a dead cat.

67. "Listen To Me Very Carefully. All Of You. This Is You Throwing It Away. ... And You're Putting Everything I Have Fought And Bled For On The Fucking Edge, And I Am Not Gonna Let That Happen. Do You Understand Me? … You Fix It! You Fucking Fix It!"

Who: Kendall to Shiv, Roman, Gerri, et al.

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Gerri's certainly insulted when Kendall suggests that he's worked the hardest for Waystar.

68. "Delusional. Fucking Delusional Man Leaving The Room. … Thank You So Much For Your Concern, Like You Give A Fuck! You Probably Slipped Him Something, Putin. Fuck!"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Kendall didn't poison his enemy, but Putin may have.

69. "You Cowardly Prick!"

Who: Gerri to Frank

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Frank did an admirable job vamping, but Gerri's not pleased to be called on stage.

70. "Geez. Fucking Take It Easy. You Wanna Give Him The Fucking Tabasco Suppository?. … 'Cause It Sounded Like You Want To Jumpstart Our Father Like He's A Fucking Pick-Up Truck."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: I really don't want to witness Logan getting a Tabasco suppository.

71. "Go On. Yeah. Go Fuck It Up, Moron."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: A comment like this from Roman could be said kind of lovingly to Shiv. But knowing how agitated Roman was this ep, it seems like he meant it.

72. "I'll Talk To Him, The Little Bitch, Here."

Who: Connor to the president via the higher ups of Waystar Royco

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Connor's gunning for the raisin's job.

73. "This Guy? Tony Tourette's? Are You Kidding? Are You Sure?"

Who: Hugo to Roman via Karolina

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: A rare burn from Hugo in which he's not being very nice to Roman or people with Tourette syndrome.

74. "He's So Annoying."

Who: Greg to Kendall via the live stream

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Greg's gotta take his shots when he can.

75. "He's Not Even Wearing A Tie."

Who: Tom to Kendall via the live stream

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: ... Tom's also gotta take his shots when he can.

76. "You're Going To Sue Greenpeace? I Like Your Style, Greg. Who Do You Think You're Gonna Go After Next? Save The Children?"

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: After learning that he can't sue his grandpa, Greg might've actually earned this insult.

77. "Shiv, I'm Trying To Talk To Gerri About Something Important. Stop Buzzing In My Fucking Ear!"

Who: Logan to Shiv

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Shiv kept the company in the hands of the Roys, but she's not Daddy's favorite after negotiating herself a seat on the board.

78. "Shiv Being A Bitch?"

Who: Roman to Shiv via Logan

When: Episode 5, "Retired Janitors of Idaho"

Why: Roman's cozying up to Daddy by taking down Shiv. Is it Roman's time??

79. "I Just Feel Like Sometimes We're Allowing The Tune To Be Played At My Dad's Tempo, Lisa. And I'm Not Sure Why. I Have The, Quote-Unquote, Best Lawyer In Town."

Who: Kendall to Lisa Arthur

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Kendall was all-in on Lisa in the first episode, but he's questioning her abilities as his case comes apart.

80. "You Just Wanna Give Him A Blowjob, So Stop Projecting."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: I'm with Roman on this one — Logan and Kerry are clearly fucking.

81. "You Gonna Be A Fucking Sourpuss?"

Who: Logan to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Even though she helped the family retain control of the company, Shiv is not Daddy's favorite.

82. "Kerry, Get Shiv A Fucking Medal."

Who: Logan to Shiv via Kerry

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Clearly fucking.

83. "Oh, Ms. Libtard, How Do You Like Spelunking In The Elephant's Asshole?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: The elephant's asshole at the Future Freedom Summit is far worse than when Shiv used to hang with the fuck-fuck donkey gang.

84. "Did You Know About This, You Withholding Bitch?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Roman does not respond well to the news that mummy is getting remarried.

85. "Yeah, Mommy's Getting Remarried, Dingus! … Of Course He Didn't Know. Ken Bores The Shit Out Of Mom."

Who: Roman to Kendall via Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: But at least the news of Caroline's impending nuptials means that Roman got to take a shot at the first-born fucker.

86. "Hey, Shiv, Is It True? You At The Hate-Fest Fest? Burning Books And Measuring Skulls Down In Nuremberg, Virginia?"

Who: Kendall to Shiv... and the conservative attendees of the Future Freedom Summit

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Ken's not wrong!

87. "All Right. Just, Uh, Wanted To Let You Know Mommy Still Doesn't Love You. Bye, Ken, Bye."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: But Mommy doesn't love you either, Roman! Where's Gerri when you need her?

88. "Kendall... Do You Think You're Smarter Than Me? ... Because Maybe You Are. But I Am A Better Lawyer. You Acted High-Handed And Defensive And Then Oscillated To Wildly Over-Familiar And Glib. You Sometimes Undermined My Status And Didn't Appear To Be Frank About Your Own Involvement."

Who: Lisa Arthur to Kendall

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: In true lawyer fashion, it's hard to pin down if this is exactly an insult. But clearly, Ken thought it was since he fired Lisa after this for being a "toxic person."

89. "I Think He's Been Waiting There For Me For The Last Ten Fucking Minutes."

Who: Logan to Boyer via Kerry

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Logan is drunk with president-picking power.

90. "Hey! Come On! No, I Still Call You That."

Who: Jeryd Mencken to Dave Boyer

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Roman's choice for president still calls the lick-lipping VP "Martin Van Boring."

91. "Cool Policy, Bro."

Who: Jeryd Mencken to Rick Salgado

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: This Nazi presidential candidate is just full of zingers.

92. "And Jeryd Hates To Talk Policy Because It Would Mean, You Know, Having One."

Who: Rick Salgado to Jeryd Mencken

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Contrary to what Roman thinks, this is more of a sick burn than Jeryd's insults.

93. "I Listen To His Speeches... Every Night. They Help Me Drop Off."

Who: Jeryd Mencken to Rick Salgado

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Nothing's worse than snoozefest politics... except maybe a fascist for president.

94. "Rick, Come On! You Jerked Off To Reagan's Headshot For 30 Years, And Now You're Tom Joad?"

Who: Jeryd Mencken to Rick Salgado

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Salgado's no Steinbeck hero, but I'd take him over Mencken.

95. "Ugh, God! It's So Fucking Boring. ... I've Seen Your Thing Quite A Lot … YouTube Provocateur Bullshit. Aristo-Populism. 'Rape Is Natural. It's All Red Pill, Baby.' I'm Just... I'm Just So Fucking Over It."

Who: Shiv to Jeryd Mencken

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Will Mencken's fucked-up views be what leads Shiv to turn on Daddy Roy? Fingers crossed.

96. "Nah! Fuck ATN! No, Really, ATN Is Treated As A Bulwark, But It's Dead. It's Basically A Pudding Cup At 5:00 p.m. In The Nursing Home. Honestly. Doesn't Speak To Me. Doesn't Speak To The People That I Talk To. It Is Status Quo Bedtime Stories To Maximize Shareholder Value. No Disrespect, Logan Roy... Was An Icon, But, You Know, He's No Longer Relevant."

Who: Jeryd Mencken to Logan via Rick Salgado and Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: To win Logan's backing, you must insult him and his cable news network, apparently.

97. "Fucking Jelly-Boned, Low-T, Pip-Pip Cheerio Fucker! … My Mother Is Marrying Some Dickhead Crooked-Toothed Turnip Man."

Who: Roman to Peter Munion via Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Roman hasn't even met his seat-sniffer stepdaddy yet, but he's got some thoughts on him.

98. "What's Wrong Is How Little You Care About It, You Frozen Bitch."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Shiv isn't as concerned as Roman about their mom's upcoming nuptials.

99. "Poor Rome! His Dreams Of Porking Mom Slipping Through His Little Lubed-Up Fingers."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Shiv's really getting Roman on his parental fixation this ep.

100. "Is Greg Necessary?"

Who: Hugo to Greg via Logan

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Don't make Cousin Greg minimize his window, Hugo!

101. "Ooh, Mrs. Politics! How Many Big Races Did You Win As A Consultant? Four? Three? Did You Win Two? … One?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Sure, her track record may not be great, but at least she has political experience, Roman!

102. "Four Score Years And Whatever … My Sister Did Bring Forth From Her Bedroom A Cup Of Milky Sputum."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Roman doesn't buy into Shiv's patriotic duty.

103. "Oh, My God. Stop Chicken Littling Us. It Just Makes Us Wanna All Have A Nap."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Like his presidential pick, Roman doesn't have time for boring warnings about fascists taking over.

104. "Stop Being A Dirty Little Pixie Whispering Swastikas In Dad's Ear."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: When your brother and father decide to go with the Nazi, it's time to leave the dark side, Shiv.

105. "You Have A Trophy Husband And Several Fur Coats. I Think You're Gonna Be Fine."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Aw, Roman considers Tom to be a "trophy husband."

106. "Easy, Castro."

Who: Roman to Greg

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Greg wants his vote for president to count.

107. "Shiv, Can I Just Say, And I Know That We Have Had Our Differences, But I Do Think You Are So Brave For Picking The Brown Man. I Think That We Should Get You A Medal ... A Special Medal, For White Women Who Like Brown Men. … 'I'm A Good Girl. I Pretend To Care About People 'Cause No One Cares About Me.'"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: And these are the siblings who supposedly get along!

108. "Well, I Like You Too, Kendall. I Mean, I Have Notes."

Who: Tom to Kendall

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Tom's got extensive notes for Ken.

109. "Quit Butt-Huffing Salgado, Shiv. We All Supported Your Little D.C. Lemonade Stand, But This Is The Fucking Real World. This Actually Matters."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Logan's hotel room is more powerful than all of Washington, D.C., apparently.

110. "Roman, You Just Love The Boot 'Cause You Love To Be Kicked By It."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Unfortunately, Roman wins this round of sibling squabbling.

111. "They're All Fucking Weirdos Anyway, So Why Not? No Offense, Con. ... Okay, Um, Are We Being Serious About This? We're Talking About Trying To Make Connor President... Of The United States Of America. Crap Pants! ... Sure, I Might Call The Guy Who Waxes My Balls. He's A Possible."

Who: Roman to Connor

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Conheads everywhere will be chanting, "Crap Pants for President!"

112. "I– I Just Want To Say, I Think... Um... I– I– I Think I Owe It To My Country To Say... I Don't Think You Should Crown Or Make Connor President. That's It. Thank You. Good Night. Sorry."

Who: Greg to Connor via Logan

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Cousin Greg will not be spoiling his ballot in Connor's favor. Thank you for doing your patriotic duty, Greg the Egg.

113. "Shiv Seems Safe. But, Uh... I Don't Know. You Think She'll Still Be There? Waiting For You After Prison?"

Who: Kendall to Tom

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Ken already doubted Tom's true devotion to Shiv and then, he makes the Country Mouse doubt the Hot Tamale's devotion to him.

114. "And I Don't Mean To Be Insulting, But, Having Been Around A Bit... My Hunch... Is That You're Going To Get Fucked Because I've Seen You Get Fucked A Lot. And I've Never Seen Logan Get Fucked Once."

Who: Tom to Kendall

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Tom doesn't mean to be insulting, but the truth hurts when it comes to Kendall and Logan.

115. "Looked Like You Were Having A Whale Of A Time Flying On The Wings Of White Power. … Did It Feel Good... As The Fascists Hoisted You Aloft Like The Stanley Cup?"

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 6, "What It Takes"

Why: Fuck Greenpeace, amiright?

116. "I Mean, I Would Say We Can Handle The Human Stuff Without Too Much Issue. That Needn't Concern Us. That Actually Comes Naturally To Some Of Us."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman didn't like Shiv's big picture notes on the deal with GoJoe.

117. "We Appreciate Your Input, Kerry, But 'Fuck Him' Is Not Good Tactics."

Who: Shiv to Kerry

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: No one wants to hear your opinion, Kerry! (Well, except Logan...)

118. "What, A Horse Didn't Want You To Fuck It? … Got It. Real Cowboy."

Who: Roman to Connor

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Connor's ranch accident was less cowboy and more bad for American democracy.

119. "So, Where's Tabs? She Busy? … Did You Kill Her? … The Relationship Was Fine Sexually And You're Loving The Intimacy And All?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv's got a point — where has Caitlin FitzGerald's Tabitha been all season?

120. "Oh, Like You're The Fucking Catch Of The Day. You're More Fucked Up Than I Am."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman's not appreciating the hits about his sex life.

121. "Cold And Inhospitable, Seems To Check Out."

Who: Shiv to Caroline Collingwood's vagina via Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Caroline's vagina isn't there to hear this diss, but knowing their mom, she'll know it was said.

122. "She's Way Out Of Your League, Man. I Mean, It's Like A Haunted Scarecrow Asking Out Jackie Onassis. … She's A Goddess. And You're A 9-Foot Cro-Magnon Man. ... It's A Chasm."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Tom isn't being a good wingman to Greg about the looks "discrepancy" between Comfry and Greg.

123. "Well, How'd You Get Shiv? She's Out Of Your League."

Who: Greg to Tom

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Greg the Egg turns the tables!

124. "Oh. Shouldn't It Be Empty Then?"

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv (and Roman) one-upped Kendall's joke about the VIP area only being for friends.

125. "I'm Only Here Because I Heard This Was Going To Be A Five- Dimensional Catastrophe And I Want To Watch You Crash And Burn."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Their relationship is so fucked that this comment leads Ken to hug his younger brudder.

126. "Man, It's Like You Feel Old. Are You Sure You're Only 40? You Look Like Shit."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Oh, did you think Roman would let Ken hug him without commentary?

127. "No, I Couldn't Find One That Said Both 'Happy Birthday' And 'Get Well Soon.'"

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Again, Shiv takes Ken's diss (this time, of writing lovely letters) to a meaner level.

128. "Roman, Relax. Yes, You Can Take It Home With You."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman acts excited about this one, but it's still a solid insult to the pervert of the family.

129. "Your Dad." "Your Mom." "Your Wife And Kids." "Any Real Friends."

Who: Roman, Shiv, Connor, and Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Ken's siblings' response to "who isn't" at his party is just plain sad. And it's even sadder when you know that Shiv only asked about the guest list to get close to Lukas Matsson (Alexander Skarsgård). But hey, Rava showed up!

130. "Failed Sibling Dies In Tragic Jerk-Off Accident."

Who: Kendall's headline about Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman remains unbothered — "We got people in here picturing me jerking off, so who's the real winner?"

131. "Wife Of Tom Wambsgans Arrested In Sweep Of City Street-Walkers. Tom Ashamed!"

Who: Kendall's headline about Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Love a good "wife of" headline.

132. Connor Roy Elected President (Of Shitting His Bag)

Who: Kendall's headline about Connor

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Connor's worried this fake headline could really hurt his chances at becoming president.

133. "Yeah, You Know Why? Because I Took You Two Fucking Assholes On A Camping Trip 'Cause Dad Couldn't Be Bothered. That's Why!"

Who: Connor to Kendall and Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: It's all their fault that Connor shit in his bag! ... and the bad fish.

134. "Hey, Ken, May We Please Step Inside Your Mental Disorder?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: For someone who's making so much fun of the treehouse, Roman really wants to get into that treehouse.

135. "Yeah, Well, Because The Thing Is, The Treehouse Is Cool And You're Not Cool."

Who: Kendall to Shiv and Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Wield your older brother power, Kendall!

136. "Oh, Wow, Yes. The Coolest Grown Man's Treehouse I've Seen In Quite A While."

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Piggybacking on Roman's point, the treehouse could be interpreted as a bit creepy, Ken.

137. "I Need To Be Discreet Because There's A Lot Of Celebrities Around And If You Guys Were In The Treehouse, It Kinda Wouldn't Feel Like The Treehouse, You Know? You're A Nazi Lover. .. And You're A Nazi Lover."

Who: Kendall to Shiv and Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Kendall's treehouse is built from George Washington's cherry tree, so he can't be backing Jeryd Mencken for president.

138. "But I Have To Weigh That Against The Consideration That No Losers Are Allowed."

Who: Kendall to Shiv and Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: No losers — or vindictive siblings — allowed in the treehouse!

139. "You Think? Huh. Well, I Really Appreciate Your Impartial Read."

Who: Lukas Matsson to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Oh, that Scandinavian shade.

140. "I Just Wanted To Say Hi Before, You Know, Everyone's Too High."

Who: Rava to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Rava's there to burst Kendall's birthday bubble.

141. "What You Gonna Do For Yours? Just Sarah And Orla And Some Pasta Alfredo? Three Glasses Of Chablis If You're Feeling Naughty, And Lights Out By 11?"

Who: Kendall to Rava

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Kendall's imagined 40th birthday for Rava does sound quite lovely.

142. "Nice Little Poseable Action Figure. Does He Have Any Genitals?"

Who: Kendall to Gary via Rava

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Must have been Gary's razor in Rava's apartment.

143. "Give My Love To Kevin... Gary."

Who: Kendall to Gary via Rava

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: To Kendall's credit, he realizes he's being immature and takes it back. But his birthday goes downhill from here.

144. "Hey, Cool Shoes, Man. Orthopedics?"

Who: Kendall to party guest in comfortable shoes

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: What is this? Some asshole's birthday party?

145. "Hey, Greg! The Snitch Bitch."

Who: Kendall to Greg

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Greg's snitching was done to help you, Ken!

146. "Jesus, Dude. Duh! You're Like The World's Biggest Fucking Parasite. You're A Human Tapeworm. Maybe Stop Feeding On Your Own Fucking Family, And Try Sucking Some Blood Elsewhere. Yeah?"

Who: Kendall to Greg

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Kendall's kidding. Or is he?

147. "Fucking Asshole, Man."

Who: Greg to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: You punch that projection, Greg!

148. "Hey, My Partner Is Cold And He'd Like To Keep His Fucking Coat On, Okay? And He's Running To Be The Next President Of The United States Of America, So Maybe You Should Show Him Some Fucking Respect."

Who: Willa to Comfry

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Comfry deserves a goddamn raise.

149. "When Will Your Father Die? … Like, I Don't Wanna Be Rude, But What Kinda Shape Is He In? We're Talking Less Than A Year, Or It's More Like Five Years? 'Cause If It's Five, That's– It's A Long Time. It Would Be Better Sooner, Wouldn't It? ... The Guru Guy Who's Fucking Fucking Bullshit, You Know? … So His Death Would Clear Space. With Due Respect."

Who: Lukas Matsson to Logan via Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: I mean, like, we're all obviously, hugely looking forward to Logan dying.

150. "And You Know That StarGo Truly, Truly Is A Piece Of Shit."

Who: Lukas Matsson to StarGo via Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Can't help but wonder if this is Succession making fun of HBOMax's tech issues.

151. "I Don't Wanna Be A Dick, But I Have A Watch, You Know, I Have My Watch. … Yeah, I'm Just Trying To Get Inside Your Head And Figure Out Why You Would Give Me This Gift."

Who: Kendall to Naomi Pearce

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Note to self: Never give Kendall Roy a gift.

152. "That's A Weird Thing To Say. You Being Sarcastic? He Being Sarcastic? ... Full Of Gra– Full Of Fucking What? What? What Did You Say?"

Who: Tom to Compliment Tunnel actor

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Note to self: Never tell Tom he's full of grace.

153. "But It's Supposed To Be Me That's Happy, And It's You. How Did That Happen? Huh? I Took The Wrong Drugs In The Wrong Order, And I Can't Get Happy. … No, 'Cause You've Ruined It."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: The compliment tunnel did not have the desired effect on Tom.

154. "​​Are You Okay? Onlookers Reported You Having Some Kind Of Breakdown. People Were Anxious That You Maybe Swallowed Your Tongue. ... I Heard It Looked Like A Cry For Help. 'The Dance Of The Sugar Plum Failure.' ... Don't Worry About It, Shivvy. I'll Handle It. You Can Go Cut A Rug."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv's was just getting out the demons instead of making a deal with Mattson.

155. "Thank You. That's Kind. How Would You Finesse Something That's Done? What, By Ruining It?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv isn't happy about not being looped in.

156. "You're Having A Very Bad Day, I Know That, What With Hearing That You Have To Continue To Share Your Apartment With The Old Meat Wardrobe, But, You Know, Try To Keep Your Wig On, Yeah?"

Who: Roman to Tom (indirectly) and Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: From here on out, I'll only be referring to Tom as "the old meat wardrobe."

157. "You Know What? No One Likes Talking About Me Fucking Guys As Much As You Do. Do You Know That? Why Is That? Is That Because You're The COO Who Can't Fuck?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv finally gets a shot in.

158. "You Thought It Was Ladies' Night And They Were Playing Your Song, But Guess What? You Were Wrong! All The Men Got Together In Man Club And We Decided, Sweetheart, Everything's Fine, So Just [Mimes Shushing And Calm Down] We Got It."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman's not entirely wrong about Shiv, but he's gone full monster.

159. "You Know, He Is Using You As A Messenger Boy, But As Usual, You're Too Fucking Dumb To See It."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: The Roy kids are all dumb when it comes to Daddy.

160. "It's Difficult. I Get It. It's Very Difficult For You To Have To Do The Dance For Dad Because You Just Suck At Dancing. ... It Turns Out He Loves It When I Do The Daddy Dance, But I Guess That's Because He Loves Me. He Loves Fucking Me, And He Just Doesn't Wanna Fuck You Anymore. ... Oh, Daddy Doesn't Love His Little Carrot Top Even When She Does Her Little Daddy Dance. Dad-Daddy, Dad-Daddy Dance."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: I've heard of wanting a kiss from Daddy, but this is extreme even for Roman.

161. "You're A Piece Of Shit, You Know That? ... What Are You Even Talking About? You're So Gross. ... I Fucking Hate You, Man."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Usually Roman's at least a charming piece of shit. But this time... not so much.

162. "You're Both Full Of Shit. And You Came Here To Fuck Me Behind My Back. And You're Ghouls And You're Disgusting."

Who: Kendall to Shiv and Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Remember when Ken was sweetly singing "Honesty" by Billy Joel? Simpler times.

163. "I Already Spoke To Mattson. Who Hates You, By The Way, And Laughs At You Constantly."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman is not being nice to the birthday boy.

164. "'You Stole My Idea.' What Are You, Fucking 6? Dude, You Lost. No Big Deal. No Need To Cry About It. You Lost."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Roman is not being nice to the birthday boy.

165. "Okay. Lay Off The Drugs, Ken."

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Shiv's instinct is to not believe Kendall about the family spying on his kids, but she learns the truth quickly.

166. "Oh, There's A Line Now? There's A Fucking Line Now? No Line For Him, No Line For You, But There's A Line For Me? You're A Bunch Of Stuck-Up Cunts Who Can't Fucking Bear To See Me Win. That's It. That's All This Is."

Who: Roman to Shiv and Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: C'mon, Shiv! No time like the present to join Team Kendall.

167. "You're Not A Real Person. You Know That? You're Not A Real Person. You're Not Real."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: My heart breaks for broken Kendall.

168. "Come On. Why Don't You Hit Me Maybe? Come On. Come On, Shitty Jesus. You Know You Want To. Just Fucking Hit Me. Do It. 'I'm Not A Real Person.' Fuck You. All Right. I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. Have A Good Birthday, Okay, Fuckface?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Just imagine what Roman would have said to Ken if he had done his crucifixion stunt. And if Roman hadn't already gone too far, pushing Ken is over the edge.

169. "You're An Asshole!"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 7, "Too Much Birthday"

Why: Ken may be acting like a child, but Roman's being just plain malicious. Happy birthday, indeed.

170. "But Still, You're Here, And That's Nice."

Who: Logan to Sandi Furness

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Logan doesn't want Shiv or Sandi to have seats on the board (women, amiright?) and Sandi is quite aware of that fact.

171. "Oh, Because This Is Just Inner Circle. That's A Joke, I'm Kidding. I Think The President Will Be Joining Us, So..."

Who: Roman to Shiv via Sandi and Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: If you insult Shiv in front of Tom, it's most certainly getting back to her.

172. "You Sounded Dumb At The Board Meeting."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv's still salty with Roman after Kendall's party, but this isn't her best work.

173. "At Least, I Showed Up. What Were You Doing? Brunching With Some Other Sock Puppet Girl-Boss Presidents?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Again, I say — women, amiright?

174. "You Haven't Got A Date? Did No One On Raya Wanna Come To Italy And Sit On Your Ricotta Dick?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: "Ricotta dick" really conjures up some imagery that turns out, wasn't all that necessary based on how the episode ends.

175. "Well, I Can't Quite Fire You Yet, Shiv, Because I'm Still A Little Bit Scared Of You. But My Thinking Is, When I Take Over, I'm Gonna Put You In The Office Next To Mine, And You're Gonna Be My Sexy Secretary."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: The fuck is wrong with him indeed.

176. "Goodness Me! Did You Just Come Back From The Front?"

Who: Caroline to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Mummy dearest is not impressed with Kendall's shaved head. All hail the Queen of the Thinly-Veiled Insult — Caroline Collingwood!

177. "You Look Rather Tired."

Who: Caroline to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: A Mummy-Two-For-One special in the looks department. And all this before she tells Kendall he can't participate in the wedding festivities.

178. "Ah! Kendall, Like The Mint Cake."

Who: Peter Munion to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Compared to the other insults on this list, this one is extremely tame. But something irks me about old Peter Onion making fun of Kendall's name with this extremely British reference.

179. "And, Uh, How's, Uh, Business? I Hear You're Big In The Old Silvery Gulags!"

Who: Roman to Peter Munion

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Seriously, can Caroline get a prenup?

180. "He's Not Posh. His Father's A Doctor. Bought All His Own Furniture. Yeah, He's A Grasping Little Scholarship Boy. … I Mean, Look At Him, Fizzing Away Over There Like A Bottle Of Cheap Prosecco."

Who: Caroline to Peter Munion via Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Hey, cheap Prosecco is this writer's lifeblood!

181. "Poor Old Eleanor Rigby Wants To Eat Dick And Drink Champagne For The Rest Of Her Life Instead?"

Who: Shiv to Caroline via Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv's back on her A game... though I doubt she'd ever say this to her mother's face.

182. "The Man Dying Of Thirst Is Suddenly A Mineral Water Critic? Does Comfry Not Sate Your Lust For Wisdom, Greg? It's Such A Shame Sontag's Not Still Alive. You Could Take Her To The Drive-Though."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: I mean... Greg, what are you doing?

183. "Well, You Know, People Will See Her With You. And No Offense, But They'll Say, 'What The Fuck's Going On There?'"

Who: Shiv to Greg

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv already told Greg he was punching above his weight, so, clearly — as her cruel chuckle indicates — she means no offense.

184. "Why Not? We Put A Man On The Moon."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Greg's face looks as if he's really contemplating walking on the moon as he checks out the princess or duchess or whatever.

185. "Oh, No. Scary Poppins Is On Maneuvers."

Who: Shiv to Carolina via Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv really shines whilst insulting her mother.

186. "Hey, Lukas! Call Me! Are You High? I Think You Should Put Down The Venti Ayahuasca Big Gulp."

Who: Roman to Lukas Matssen

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: The GoJoe founder microdoses with a side of privacy, pussy, and pasta.

187. "Hey, Nice Work, Rome. … Matsson Going Nut-Nut…. Keep Hold Of That Shit, Bro."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Ken's gotta assert his non-existent dominance whenever he sees an opportunity.

188. "Yeah. Where Are You Off To? Naples, Score Some Junk?"

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Ken's siblings are so supportive of his substance addiction recovery.

189. "What A Surprise! Ken Doesn't Know Where His Kids Are."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Ken is remarkably bad at keeping tabs on his kids.

190. "What? The Skunk, The Porcupine, And The Concubine? It's Probably The Best Wedding Present I'll Ever Get. But So Disgusting. Is He Still Fucking Marcia, Do We Think? ... Hope Not. Poor Old Fellow Would Probably Keel Over With The Effort."

Who: Caroline to Logan, Marcia, and Kerry via Shiv, Tom, and Gerri

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: I know Caroline is the worst, but so is Logan, so seeing her delight in his fucked-up love triangle is scrumptious.

191. "How You Doing? Staying Ahead Of The Inland Revenue?"

Who: Logan to Peter

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Oh el-oh-el, Logan's just joshing about Peter being a tax dodger.

192. "He Wants Me To Get The Dipshits In Downing Street To Make Him Lord Fucking Seat Sniffer Pantyhose."

Who: Logan to Peter via Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Logan is consistent if not always creative.

193. "You'll Get Back To Me? You Prick."

Who: Kendall to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: The real insult in this exchange is Logan refusing to talk directly to Kendall and using Roman as his go-between.

194. "Well, I Suppose Opposites Attract."

Who: Shiv to Caroline

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv doesn't think her mother has a heart, but at least she thinks Caroline has a brain for business (unlike Peter).

195. "Yeah. I Might Have Been A Bit Of A Spotty Mother, But You've Been A Shitty Daughter, So…"

Who: Caroline to Shiv

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Now, now, I thought we weren't going to snipe.

196. "'I'll Have The Carbonara And Daddy, Please.' … You Tend To Get What You Want Anyway. … You Were 13. And You Knew How To Twist The Knife. You Knew Then, And You Know Now. And I Might Cry."

Who: Caroline to Shiv

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: I'm understanding why Shiv wanted to skip her mum's bachelorette party.

197. "Oh, Yeah, Where's The Onion?"

Who: Shiv to Caroline

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Caroline's tears would come out as icicles.

198. "Truth Is, I Probably Should Never Have Had Children. You Made The Right Decision. Some People Just Aren't Made To Be Mothers. I Should've Had Dogs."

Who: Caroline to Shiv

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Another Mummy-Two-For-One special by Queen Caroline — avoid responsibility for being a terrible mother by telling your daughter she'd be a terrible mother. Oh, and then add on that you wouldn't have wanted your dogs to be kicked by Logan, but you were fine with the kids being kicked again and again.

199. "I'm Better Than You. You're… You Know, I Hate To Say This, 'Cause I Love You, But You're Kind Of Evil ... I Don't Wanna Be You. I'm A Good Guy. ... I'm Better Than You."

Who: Kendall to Logan

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Now, onto another fucked-up child-parent dynamic where Kendall tries to get out of the company and prove he's a better person than his dad.

200. "What Were You Even Doing, Huh? Chasing A Bit Of Tail? Hey, Are You Queer? Did You Try To Fuck Him? Or Was It Just The Drugs?"

Who: Logan to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: If you insult Logan, know he's going to bring out the big guns. This time, in the form of the death of Andrew Dodds.

201. "You're My Son. I Did My Best. Whenever You Fucked Up, I Cleaned Up Your Shit. And I'm A Bad Person? Fuck Off, Kiddo."

Who: Logan to Kendall

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Ah, another parent avoiding their parental responsibility.

202. "Because We Can't Let The Dirty Little Pixie Become King."

Who: Shiv to Roman via Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Petition to only refer to Roman as the "dirty little pixie" from now on.

203. "You're Not Good Enough For Me. … Yeah. No, I'm Way Out Of Your Fucking League. … That's Why You Want Me. That's Why… Maybe… You Love Me … Even Though I Don't Love You … But You Want Me Anyway."

Who: Shiv to Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Welp, Shiv's "sexy" talk hit a bit too close to home for old Tom.

204. "Hey, Dipshit? Hands Off. … Would You Please Keep The Contessa Company? But Don't Look At Her. Everyone Knows What You're Thinking, And It's Disgusting. Bye-Ya! Sorry About Him."

Who: Roman to Greg

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Roman, everyone knows you don't want to have sex with her anyway. Let Greg shoot his shot in peace.

205. "Oh, My God! You Can't Ask Someone To Say Terrible Things And Then Get All... That's A Bit Manipulative."

Who: Shiv to Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Well, this episode did make it crystal clear that Shiv learned to deflect and blame from the best. Like mother like daughter.

206. "You Know, Tom... I Do... I May Not Love You, But I Do Love You. You Know."

Who: Shiv to Tom

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Tom, get out of there while you still can! And this wasn't even as insulting as her saying, "Aw, thank you," to him saying he'd want her to have his babies if he died.

207. "Do You Want Me To Hold Your Hand? ... Come On, I'll Hold Your Hand."

Who: Lukas Matssen to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Nothing's more insulting than a man offering to take another man's hand... well, if you're as repressed as Roman is, that is.

208. "Are You A Sicko?"

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: His dad's response to his dick pic certainly won't set Roman back. Back to therapy you go!

209. "She's A Million Years Old. It's Fucking Disgusting. You're A Laughingstock."

Who: Logan to Roman (and Gerri)

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: He says, with no sense of irony. Sir, I'm going to need you to take a hard look in the mirror. And Gerri's a goddamn goddess! (Who happens to be 20 years your junior.)

210. "You Know. With All This Potential Upheaval, And You Being In Such A Delicate Position As Interim CEO, If You Can't Deal With Your Own Sexual Harassment, Then It's Not A Good Look."

Who: Shiv to Gerri

When: Episode 8, "Chiantishire"

Why: Shiv saw her opportunity to take down Rome and Gerri and she went for it. Don't let the dick pic get you down, Gerri!

211. "Isn't This A Bit Young For You? … Kerry, Can You Get Me A Book? Uh-- Something With Some Action?"

Who: Logan to Iverson

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Even when doing his grandfatherly duties, Logan can't help but be insulting.

212. "What? Uh– I Thought That Would've Kinda Been Your Dream, Rome, Me Fucking Gerri With Your Dick. Come On, Dick Pickler. Pay Up."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: If this is the worst of the fallout from the dick pic, Roman's gotten off easy.

213. "Oh, Waitress Service. Okay. I Shall Have A Cuba Libre And A Club Sandwich, Please. … Okay. The Service Here Is Weird And Slow And Fucking My Dad."

Who: Roman to Kerry

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Seriously, what exactly is Kerry serving Logan?

214. "Oh, Okay. Well, Let Me, Uh, Grab A Couple Of Kids' Menus And I'll Be Right Back."

Who: Kerry to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Oh my, Kerry may have more power than you, Rome.

215. "Oh, Come On, Willa! Marry Him. He's Probably Got, Like, Ten Years Left In Him And Then It's All Gravy."

Who: Roman to Connor via Willa

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: This is your weekly reminder that Alan Ruck is only 10 years younger than Brian Cox.

216. "Yes, I Will Be Nice To Kurt Cobain Of The Fucking Floaties."

Who: Roman to Kendall via Shiv

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Even when their brother nearly dies, Roman's gotta Roman.

217. "But, Hey, You Know, If You Find Him In The Pool Again, There's A C-Note In It For You To Just Let Him Sink, Okay?"

Who: Roman to Kendall via Comfrey

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: See above.

218. "Okay, Don't Get All Sweaty, Betty. I'm Gonna Figure It Out, And I'll Drop You An Email, Okay?"

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Roman's the real Sweaty Betty.

219. "No. Stay Here And Play With Your Dick. … No, Come On, Tumbledown."

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Love a callback with Logan referencing the number 5 insult on this list from the Season 3 premiere.

220. "Let's Go See Hans Christian Anderfuck And See If He's Been Telling Us Fucking Fairy Tales."

Who: Logan to Lukas Mattson via Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: For the record, Hans Christian Andersen was Danish while Alexander Skarsgård is Swedish.

221. "Good-Looking Woman, Huh? ... So, What Is It, Son? Are You Scared Of Pussy? Is It All Screens Or Up The Ass With You Or What? … Yeah. Well, It's Just Fucking. If You Need To Get Straightened Out, Get Straightened Out. Okay? … I Don't Want To Know."

Who: Logan to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: OK, so this is the fallout from the dick pic.

222. "So What? Does He Have A Kid In Malaysia Reading History For Him Now?"

Who: Logan to Mark Zuckerberg via Lukas Matsson

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Yeah, they don't love Mark.

223. "We're Flying Like A Fucking Rocket Ship, And You're Sinking Like A Lead Balloon. … Sure, Sure, Some Of Your Content Is Pretty Cool, I Guess, But Business-Wise, It's Time For You To Beef Up Or Sell Out. And You Can't Become A Tech Player Because You And Your Business Are Just Too Fucking Old."

Who: Lukas Matsson to Logan

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: As Matsson notes, Logan isn't that insulted by what he has to say because he doesn't punch him in the nose.

224. "So, You Want Me To Come In Your Sauna And Tell You What A Pretty Pecker You Got?"

Who: Logan to Lukas Matsson

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Is this what Logan did after he sent Roman away??

225. "Is This An Intervention? Why Do You Get To Do An Intervention On Me? … Well, You Need An Intervention. You Need An Intervention, You Need An Intervention. … No, Sorry, No, I Mean, Look Who's Fucking Here. I Don't See It. You, You Don't Have Any Standing. So, Listen, You Guys Can Take This Little Committee Of Public Fucking Safety And Fuck Off."

Who: Kendall to Shiv, Connor, and Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: I don't think any of the Roys have spent a lot of time watching Intervention, but Kendall's clearly spent a lot of time watching Oprah.

226. "You Need To Stop Trying To Kill Pop. Okay? You're Selfish, You're Self-Centered-- … Shut Up. What, You're Hurt? I Didn't See Pop For Three Years, But Your Spoon Wasn't Shiny Enough, Huh? Well, It Is Not All About You. … Asshole! I Do Love You. I Love All Three Of You Pricks, But What Do I Get From You Chumps But Chump Change? Fucking Chump Change. Well, Fuck You."

Who: Connor to Kendall, Shiv, and Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: He is the eldest son! Let Connor say his piece!

227. "Fuck It! Come On. How Bad Can It Be? Right?"

Who: Willa to Connor

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: I can't wait for the Season 4 final set at Connor and Willa's wedding.

228. "The Fuck Does That Mean? Who Made You The Wizard Of Fuck? … You Don't Know Jack Shit, Do You?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: This sounds like the next movie that Waystar Studios should make: Roman Roy is The Wizard of Fuck.

229. "Eighth In Line? Greg, You Marry Her, You're A Plane Crash Away From Becoming Europe's Weirdest King!"

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: This might be the nicest thing that Tom has ever said to Greg.

230. "Get In There, Greg. If Roman Marries Her, He'll Invade France."

Who: Tom to Roman via Greg

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Roman would totally invade France.

231. "I Have An Idea.When They Come Past, You Should Tell Mom That You Love Her. … No, How Romantic Would It Be? Imagine That, If You Could Marry Mommy On Her Wedding Day? Or Tell Them A Reason That They Can't Be Married. Because She's The Only One Who Makes Her Son's Pee-Pee Go Boom Boom."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Roman and his penis have really been a theme of Season 3.

232. "Uh– My Mom Has Asked Me To Say A Few Words. Just This Second. And The First Words That Came To Mind Were, Uh, 'Shit.' 'No.' 'What?' 'Bitch.' ... Right. So, What Can I Say About My Mom? Well, She's Been A Constant In My Life. Constant Pain In The... Eh. But I Love Her Anyway, Which I Guess Is Testament To What A Remarkable And Complicated And Interesting Person That She Is. And I Have No Doubt, Peter, That You Will Never Be Bored In The Brief Time That You're Married."

Who: Shiv to Caroline via her wedding guests

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Considering her mother, I found this to be extremely generous.

233. "Cool Beans? Since When Do You Say 'Cool Beans'? You Don't Have A Fucking Clue, Do You?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Let's bring back "cool beans."

234. "Wow, You Finally Ground Her Down, Huh? Congrats, Man."

Who: Roman to Connor

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Connor got his "congrats" from his siblings.

235. "Do You? I Guess He Really Doesn't Rate You Guys, Huh? Anyway, Thought I'd Tell Ya."

Who: Connor to Shiv (and Roman and Kendall)

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Even if Logan doesn't have another kid, he still won't value the ones he's got.

236. "Uh... Yeah. Wow. Finally, You Found A Worthy Adversary."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Season 4: Roman faces off with his newborn baby sibling.

237. "I Know For A Fact That She Cannot Get Pregnant. Because If She Could, She Would Have– That Would've Happened By Now. She Has Had A Lot Of Sex With A Lot Of Men."

Who: Roman to Shiv via Tom

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: After all of Shiv's jokes about his sex life, I guess Roman owed her one.

238. "You Know Why She's Making You Wait, Right? She's Gonna Make You Carry It. … Yeah. You're Gonna Have To Poop Out Your Own Baby And Then Squeeze Your Little Tommy Tits For Man Milk."

Who: Roman to Tom

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: If seahorses can do it, why not human men?

239. "Feel Free To Cut Him Down Dead, By The Way. … He's What's Called In Our Land An Irrelevant Pauper, And You Don't Need To Listen To The Pauper. It's Not For Your Royal Ears."

Who: Roman to Greg via the Contessa

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: I want a The Prince and the Pauper movie with Nicholas Braun.

240. "He's Widely Known, Uh... Think You'd Agree, Roman, That You're A Self- Admitted, Uh… Sorry, I Don't Know How You'd Say This In Your Language, But, Uh– But A, Uh, Uh... A Sexual Pervert."

Who: Greg to Roman via the Contessa

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Greg's zinger could benefit from some quicker timing, but the truth still stings.

241. "Are You Trying To Have A Baby With My Dad? Because That's An Incredibly Stupid Idea. It'll Be Born Old, Attached To A Walker."

Who: Roman to Kerry

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: A baby attached to a walker... this episode is full of good content that Waystar can hand over to GoJoe!

242. "Okay. Well, I Didn't Keep Track Of The Exact Number Of Expletives He Used, Siobhan, Okay? I'm Not A Fuckometer."

Who: Roman to Shiv

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: I think Roman actually may be a fuckometer.

243. ​"I Know, Man. I Know, You Fucked It. ... That's What Happened, Yeah."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Ken sure did fuck his coup against his dad, but at least he can laugh about it.

244. "Fuck You. Bullshit. Come On. At Worst, You're... You're An Irresponsibler, Okay? You're Bigging Yourself Up."

Who: Roman to Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Is it an insult when Roman said this to make Ken feel better about the waiter's death?

245. "Man, You Fucked My Wedding In So Many Ways."

Who: Shiv to Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Ken sure did fuck Shiv's wedding, but at least Roman can laugh about it.

246. "Do You Think You're Close To Him? You're Just His Little Rat Fucker."

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Shiv's saying this less as an insult and more to convince Roman of the truth.

247. "Which Is What? Hard Drive Full Of Dick Pics?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: That's probably all Roman would be left with if he just sticks with what he's got.

248. "Rome, You Know Dad Is Never Gonna Choose You Because He Thinks There's Something Wrong With You. I'm Sorry, But Maybe It's Time That We Said These Things To Each Other Instead Of Just Talking It All Out To Vanity Fair."

Who: Shiv to Roman and Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Two brudders, one slightly constructive insult.

249. "If We Do This, I Don't Want You Two Cunts Trying To Big-Brother Me Out Of My Fucking Piece, Okay?"

Who: Roman to Shiv and Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Two cunts, one slightly reasonable request.

250. "Oh, Fuck. I Do Think That, Even Though This Literally Makes Me Wanna Vomit And I Wanna Kill You Both Every Day And It's All Gonna End Horribly, I Do Think That We — Puke! — Could Make A Pretty Good Team."

Who: Roman to Shiv and Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: A compliment wrapped up in a puke-filled insult.

251. "Well, Con, This Is Me Layering You In. But I Can't Talk About This Right Now Because It's Complicated And I Don't Have Time. And Also You're A Little Bit Slow."

Who: Roman to Connor

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Hey, at least he called Con.

252. "You Fucked Yourself Before Congress, Greg. … 'I Don't Recall, Your Honor, I Don't Recall–' You're A Fucking Joke, Man."

Who: Tom to Greg

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Tom had to throw one last insult before wooing Greg over to the dark side.

253. "What Am I Gonna Do With A Soul Anyways? Souls Are Boring. Boo, Souls."

Who: Greg to Souls

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Boo souls.

254. "What If Dad Flutters His Eyelids At You, Rome? You Gonna Melt?"

Who: Shiv to Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: I'm proud of Roman for not melting.

255. "Absolutely. But Do You Mind Not With Him In Here Giving Me The Fucking Doggy-Evils? Can You Take Him Out, Romulus? I'll Fill In Your Sister And Give You The Angles. I Don't Trust Him."

Who: Logan to Kendall via Shiv and Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Kendall does give off hangdog energy... is that what Logan means by "fucking doggy-evils"?

256. "Come On, Roman. Let's Get Away From These Fucking Jacobins."

Who: Logan to Shiv and Kendall via Roman

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Well, Kendall and Shiv are trying to get (what they think is) their fair share and to make Logan pay for his crimes. So, this insult isn't wholly inaccurate.

257. "You're Playing Toy Fucking Soldiers! Go On! Fuck Off! I Have You Beat! You F– Morons! … Oh, Well, No! 'Because You Need A Super Majority To...'

Who: Logan to Shiv, Roman, and Kendall

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: A fuck off followed by a cruel imitation? Certifiably brutal.

258. "Love? You Come For Me... With Love? You Bust In Here, Guns In Hand, And Now You Find They've Turned To Fucking Sausages. You Talk About Love?"

Who: Logan to Roman, Shiv, and Kendall (and love)

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: Love's worthless to Logan Roy.

259. "Oh, Go On, Go On. Fuck Off. You Nosy Fucking Pedestrians."

Who: Logan to Kendall, Roman, and Shiv

When: Episode 9, "All the Bells Say"

Why: And the last insult of the season rightfully belongs to Logan. He fucking wins.

Images: David Russell/HBO, HBO

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