A lil ranking of the worst men!!
I couldn’t help but wonder after watching some SATC recently, who are the worst men on this show. Now let’s be very clear, most of the men on the show are meant to be terrible, but there’s a special place in hell for some of them and I want to talk about it. Also, please note that Peter from And Just Like That is not listed, because like Whitney Houston before me, I don’t think of him!
10) Aidan Shaw – Ranking Aidan as one of the worst men in SATC is probably already cause for people to come for me, but I truly do not understand this man’s appeal. Maybe it’s a case of tall d-ck, but I am not even sure that’s all that good. He sounds like a broken radiator when he kisses, eats KFC in bed, and his hair is falling out. Go away from me with this Apollo!
9) Doug (Season 4, Episode 3) – I hear only one thing in my nightmares (Logan Huntzberger saying, “that’s how we do it at the Yale Daily News.”), but I see a lot. And the most cursed image is Doug (Jim Gaffigan) taking a sh-t with the door open in Miranda's apartment. Azkaban!
8). Jack (Season 1, Episode 8) – Jack is the weirdo who asked Charlotte to have a threesome. In theory there is nothing wrong with Jack really (perhaps he is a sex positive king), but I am shallow and something doesn’t sit right about this guy in my spirit. He is listed above Doug only because Samantha Bush told me he looks like that racist frog meme. It’s my favorite moment of our podcast, Shortcomings.
7) James (Season 1 &2) – You probably don’t remember James, but he was Samantha’s first serious love interest. He had a small d-ck. And in this world, that’s enough to be awful.
6) Ben (Season 2, Episode 3) – lolz that Elle didn’t even bother ranking him. That is how awful Ben is. He is grown man with a Tweety Bird tattoo and the voice of someone you absolutely want to punch. And, yes, in this specific case, I endorse violence.
5) Sam Jones (Season 3, Episode 17) Samantha Jones meeting the literal male Sam Jones. Sign me up? Until we see this sad NYU student. I’m sorry, but Timothee Chalamet didn’t spread an STD and white rap his way around a NYC university for that kind of representation!!
4) Skipper (too many episodes) - I’m too bothered to even look up Skipper’s last name. Somewhere in the SATC cinematic universe Skipper is probably very rich (most likely from ill gotten internet money, just tell me he didn’t invent NFTs) and still a mooping around, talmabout how for one shining moment he dated a mean red-head. He isn’t higher up because he seems like the kind of guy who’d give you his login for streaming apps and then not use them as to not bother you. So chivalry!
3) Tom (Season 5, Episode 4) – Tom is the overeater who over ate Miranda. That’s all.
2) Luke the Farmer – I have no real reason to dislike him, but I believe his full name is Luke Hanes, which means he is not Luke Danes.
So f-ck off.
1) Howie Halberstein (Season 6, Episode 8) – Howie is disgusting. He is bad in bed, basically blows Carrie’s back out in the worst way, and then is mad at her. He is the only flaw in Harry Goldenblatt’s sterling silver resume. And for that I can never forgive Howie. Also he’s a grown man named Howie.
Maybe next week, I’ll rank some men I like. I’m looking at you that guy Charlotte met and kept saying “wow” when he saw the apartment. That’s my type!