Obligatory disclaimer at the start of this post: Trans rights are human rights. JK Rowling is a garbage goblin and her narrow minded viewpoints are very pure-blood adjacent. Like, gross.

Harry Potter was an important part of my childhood. It provided an escape from real life when I needed it, expanded my imagination, helped me navigate loss, and gave me something to talk about with other nerds when I was feeling socially awkward at a party.

When a new book was released, I was the b*tch at Barnes & Nobel with a scar drawn on my forehead, waiting for the clock to strike midnight.

Cut to present day: I am officially a millennial stereotype, making my love of Harry Potter a main personality trait far past an age that is socially acceptable. As a gemini, I vibe with both Slytherin AND Hufflepuff depending on the day, my outfit, my mood, and whether or not I'm on my period. (For three days a month I'm just straight up Voldemort, just ask my husband. But, I digress....)

Hat to head though, I am a Badger Babe. Go Puffs!

Now that I've concluded Chapter One of an autobiography you certainly did NOT ask for, let's get to the reason for this post:

My favorite pastime is sorting celebrities into Hogwarts houses. So, for no particular reason in no particular order, here are some random celebrities and their houses:

-Ravenclaw: Emma Watson

She is smart, witty, competitive, and creative. She is well spoken and uses her voice to share ideas and advocate for important issues that affect both Wizards and Muggles, like climate change and gender equality. (Now let's hope she uses that beautiful brain to learn how to do a passable American accent. But that's a post for another day....)

-Hufflepuff: Khloe Kardashian

Of all the Kardashians, Khloe is often the one playing peacemaker, standing up for the underdog, and trying to hear both sides of a story. Khloe is affectionate, nurturing, and loyal....sometimes, to a fault *cough* Tristan *cough*

-Gryffindor: Pete Davidson

This is the man behind the phrase BDE. He's bold, reckless, and, when he believes in something, goes all in. While he is slightly chaotic and impulsive, his heart is usually in the right place, even if his brain is not. And, like Harry, he has no business being as confident as he is and yet....

-Slytherin: If we're being honest, MOST people on reality tv are Slytherins, but let's go with Spencer Pratt for today's activity.

He values family above all, and demands respect and unwavering loyalty. He is resourceful, clever, ambitious, and, well, willing to do what it takes to get ahead. In short, he understands the assignment. And, while he probably wouldn't be a Death Eater (taking orders isn't really his vibe), he would DEFINITELY be selling Pratt Daddy Crystals at Borgin and Burkes.

So fellow Potter Heads, comment some more celebrities below and let's sort them!

Things every single teen movie from the late 90s/early 2000s had:

-A makeover scene (if a girl doesn't remove her glasses to reveal she's high key stunning did the movie even happen?)

-Single dad just dOiNg HiS bEsT (Love ya, pumpkin t*ts!)

-Douchebag with a heart of gold

-Douchebag that stays a douchebag (Bonus points if it's played by Matthew Lillard)

On this week's episode of "I am the Cute One", our guest (Tom Hamlett of the Dumpster Dive podcast) asked a very important question: What would the mom from 7th Heaven be doing in 2022?

With all that's going on in the world, I have to imagine that she would be, to quote Dorinda Medley, not well b*tch. After all, resiliency isn't exactly a word I'd use to describe ol' Annie Camden. Let's not forget that this is a woman who once almost went into cardiac arrest after seeing her middle school son flip the bird.

What do you think she'd be up to? (Let's hope it starts with leaving her husband. I mean, I'm sorry. It had to be said.)

In 2008, I got the pink razr phone and it became my whole personality. I have yet to find a more satisfying sound than slamming that sucker shut after triumphantly winning an argument via T9 typing.

What was your first cell phone? Did you have the indestructible, should be studied by the military Nokia Brick? Were you a BBM gal? Did your parents also get their phone bill and yell "WHAT THE HELL IS A TEXT MESSAGE??"

As mentioned in this week's episode of the podcast, TGIF ran from September 22, 1989 to September 8, 2000, and was home to 30 different shows during this time. The original lineup was Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers and Just the Ten of Us, but during its 11-year-run, it aired other shows, such as:

*Dinosaurs

*Step by Step

*Hangin' With Mr. Cooper

*Boy Meets World

*Step by Step

*Muppets Tonight

*Clueless

*Sabrina the Teenage Witch

*Two of a Kind

*Brother's Keeper

*Making the Band

*The Hughleys

*You Wish

*Teen Angel

*Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place

First of all - isn't it SHOCKING that Two Guys, The Hughleys and Making the Band premiered on TGIF? Honestly had no idea.

Second, nobody asked me, but Fall of '95 is my personal favorite when it comes to the lineup; with Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step by Step and Hangin' With Mr. Cooper on the schedule. However, if I were to make a tiny edit - no offense to Topanga & the gang, but I'd replace BMW with Dinosaurs. Where else could we see the plot of Roseanne acted out by humans in full-size Dinosaur puppet costumes?

What is YOUR dream TGIF lineup? (PLEASE, for everything in me, keep the 4 shows TGIF shows. It's no secret that our guest, Erin Miller of @overthemoonfaraway, and my podcast co-host, Chelsea, went off-book for this prompt, and I HATE a rule breaker.)

Hear me implode at their answers in this week's episode!