Miranda might not agree with Steve that growing older is wearing hearing aids and eating ice cream on the couch. But apparently, Sex and the City does believe that growing older has to be mostly sexless. In eight episodes, there still have been barely any decent sex scenes in And Just Like That. "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" can add all the penises they want (a whopping two... some of the only male full-frontal nudity in the Sex and the City universe), but that won't make up for it. I get that Sex and the City lost Samantha... but did it lose the sex too?

There wasn't any sex to completion in the eighth episode of And Just Like That. But Charlotte's attempt at oral sex on Harry did lead to him revealing his semi-erect penis for the first time in Sex and the City history. (As Harry Goldenblatt, Evan Handler has been nude plenty of times, but never full frontal.) Then, the trash boyfriend of Carrie's new neighbor Lisette also hung dong. (So that's why they finally gave viewers a glimpse of the inside of Carrie's brownstone.)

I'm a full supporter of more full-frontal male nudity on TV, especially after years of pervasive and unnecessary full-frontal female nudity on TV. And maybe Sex and the City is making up for its original run since, by my count (and someone please correct me in the comments if I'm wrong), there was only one time that male full-frontal nudity was shown in the original series. It was in Season 4, Episode 13, "The Good Fight" with James Remar's Richard Wright disrobing before jumping into the pool with Samantha. Thank you, Dexter's dad, for taking the plunge when no other SATC man had before. The Dipp salutes you.

But do two penises make up for the lack of sex in the Sex and the City reboot? Absofuckinglutely not. Especially when they were in some extremely unsexy situations. (It may be impressive that Charlotte still "blows" Harry, but bathroom head while your teenage children are right outside is not the sexiest of situations.)

After eight episodes, the sex tally for And Just Like That is sadly at eight and the entries are even sadder:

• Big and Carrie's Bridgerton-inspired foreplay before unseen sex
• Brady and Luisa's backboard-pounding ride
• Miranda and Che's fingering in Carrie's kitchen
• Dr. Nya Wallace and Andre Rashad in their home
• Miranda masturbating to Che
• Miranda and Steve's fingering attempt in their kitchen
• Che and Miranda post-sex at Che's
• Charlotte and Harry pre-blow job in the bathroom

What even is this list? Many of the "sex scenes" aren't even close to completion (what would Samantha say) and I'd give anything to not have seen Brady Hobbes have sex. (Truly, after Steve's attempted fingering, it's confirmed that sex in the Brady-Hobbes household is cursed.) Besides Miranda and Che in Carrie's kitchen, which was the fingering that launched a thousand memes and had its sexiness snuffed out due to Carrie peeing in a Snapple bottle, the only certifiable full-blown good sex has been Nya with her husband. And they are only secondary characters!

So throw all the penises you want at us, And Just Like That (OK, on second thought, please please don't). But what I'd like to see is some actual sex on Sex and the City. Because sex doesn't end once you hit 50. And if this is another desperate plea to get Kim Cattrall back, it's not working.

Images: HBO Max, HBO