Katie Thurston's Top 7 on The Bachelorette might just be the best Top 7 in all of Bach history. She's got Greg the puppy dog, Justin the facial expression artist, Andrew the duke, Mike P. the virgin, Michael A. the perfect man, Blake the sexy mountain man, and Brendan who, as far as I can tell, is Canadian. Look, I think I speak for everyone watching when I say that Brendan Scanzano's continued presence on The Bachelorette is baffling. After Katie's devastating break-up with Connor B. last night, it just doesn't track. Has Brendan ever even had a real conversation with Katie?
Brendan knows that he's the man on the show this far who has gotten the least amount of screen time. Almost every week, he's on Twitter (where he has a shocking 169 followers) responding to fans tweeting about how they have no clue who he is. In response to a fan who asked, "Who are you sir?" on July 5, Brendan wrote, "Im Canadian. I do not produce the show. Im a good dude." Answering another fan who asked "Why does she keep picking Brendan?," he kept it vague. "Guess im doing something right, eh?" he wrote.
Whatever he's doing, I think it's safe to say that we have not seen it. Looking at the Bachelor Data Analyst Instagram account, Brendan has never cracked the Top 10 in terms of screen time, which translates to never having had 2 minutes of screen time in a single episode. But he has been on screen. So surely all of those precious seconds must have been spent actually talking to Katie and forming a relationship, right? WRONG. I went back to analyze all of Brendan and Katie's interactions so far on The Bachelorette, and, um, they are sparse.
Week 1 — The Limo Exit
Brendan got a coveted post-commercial slot right in the middle of all the arrivals on Night 1. His limo exit got a full shot, with some sweet music to set the tone. Looking back, he definitely made a good first impression, asking for a hug and saying, "I'm so honored and excited to be here for your journey. And we're going to have a lot of fun." It was a relatively meh first conversation, but Katie was more interested in what he wasn't saying. "Why are they all so hot?" she said as he walked away.
Length of onscreen interaction: 30 seconds
Week 2 — Group Date/Rose Ceremony
Brendan got some airtime on the Week 2 cowboy wrestling group date, but none of that was really with Katie. The cocktail party afterwards was dominated by Aaron and Cody drama, but even though most of the guys' one-on-one time with Katie was teased on the show, Brendan's was nowhere to be seen — not even a shot of them sitting on a couch together.
At that week's rose ceremony (which bled into Episode 3), Brendan didn't get any time with Katie one-on-one, but did get to tell us that Karl was a "scumbag" in a confessional, so...yay?
Length of onscreen interaction: 0
Week 3 — Group Date/Rose Ceremony
Brendan was on the confessional group date with Nick Viall, but no worries if you forgot — whatever he shared on the date was not shown and he didn't get time with Katie at the cocktail party afterwards.
Length of onscreen interaction: 0
Week 4 — Rose Ceremony
After the Thomas drama took over this episode, Brendan finally got some time with Katie at the cocktail party (which was delayed into the middle of the night because of said drama). Brendan played it well, asking if there was anything she wanted to know about the dynamics in the house before diving right in. "I like you, I like your qualities," he told her. "You're a strong woman, and I see that every single day. And I'm here for you, I have your back."
Length of onscreen interaction: 1 minute
Week 5 — Group Date/Rose Ceremony
Once again, Brendan was on a group date this week. And, once again, we did not see any of his interaction with Katie, even at the cocktail party afterwards. It's also unclear what time he got with Katie at the pre-rose cocktail party, though he did allegedly get some one-on-one time, as the official photo below shows.
Length of onscreen interaction: ???
Week 6
Another episode, another group date for Brendan. He got some airtime for calling Hunter out during the Shade debate, but the fallout of the Hunter drama kept him from getting any one-on-one time at the cocktail party. And then Katie canceled the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, so he didn't get any time then either.
Length of onscreen interaction: 0
Total length of onscreen interaction between Katie and Brendan this season: a whopping 1 minute and 30 seconds. Now, obviously, that's just what's made it on the show. Maybe Katie and Brendan have a deep connection? Katie did say that she had kissed all the remaining men, so, I guess there's that. I would say I'm looking forward to getting to know Brendan more next week, but given his total absence from the promo, I'm just going to use this opportunity to say my goodbyes to Brendan and his poofy hair.
Brendan, we hardly knew you. And we never will.
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Image: ABC/Craig Sjodin