Very Serious: Help, I Don't Want To Hang Out With My Friends' Kids!

- Very Serious: An Advice Column By Kelly Conaboy -
Very Serious: Help, I Don't Want To Hang Out With My Friends' Kids!

Kelly Conaboy is writing an advice column for Dipp readers. It's going to be very serious. So serious, in fact, we named it Very Serious: An Advice Column by Kelly Conaboy. Just email her at with your most crucial conundrums and each week, Kelly will solve one lucky reader's biggest problem in life. Previously, Kelly has tackled the stars, how to buy a couch, how to get over a break up, how to ghost, and how to update your computer. This week, it's how to not hangout with babies.

Dear Kelly,

I have a question that miiiiight make me a bitch, please don’t judge me! I’m of the age where my friends are starting to have babies. Now whenever they ask me to hang out, they ask if I want to hang out “with their baby.” I like babies, but I don’t want to hang out with their baby, I just want to hang out with them. Is there a polite way to tell them? What do I do?

— Jessie


The idea that springs to mind immediately comes from the 1986 film Labyrinth. Have you seen it? It’s about an angsty girl, played by Jennifer Connelly, who is so upset that she has to babysit her brother that she wishes him to be instead in the custody of the Goblin King, who is David Bowie. She gets her wish by standing above her brother and shouting I can bear no longer! Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be, take this child of mine far away from me!, but instantly regrets it. The rest of the movie is about muppets, singing, labyrinth navigation, bulging codpieces, and getting that damn baby back.

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