Kelly Conaboy is writing an advice column for Dipp readers. It's going to be very serious. So serious, in fact, we named it Very Serious: An Advice Column by Kelly Conaboy. Just slide into our (or Kelly's) DMs with your most crucial conundrums and each week, Kelly will solve one lucky reader's biggest problem in life. Last week, Kelly tackled the stars. This week, it's couches.

Dear Kelly,

I'm in the market for a couch, but I've never purchased one before and I need advice. What kind of couch is the right kind of couch for one person who hates spending money?

Thanks,
Megan

Megan,

Not a $100 futon. I want to tell you that immediately. I know that some people, when in the position of needing a couch but not wanting to spend money, will decide to either inherit a futon or buy one from a place where they cost $100. I cannot advise this. I believe the collective time I spent on $100 futons in my early twenties would have given me scoliosis if I did not already have it, which I do. Metal bars sticking into your spine over a thin, filthy cushion — you don’t deserve that, Megan. I can tell from your letter. Please resist the $100 futon.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to tell you congratulations on being in the market for a couch! I’m sure this is a very stressful time for you, with all of the measuring and budgeting and searching and deciding, but I want you to take a moment to note that it is also quite exciting. A new, soft couch friend is about to make its way into your life. A sturdy new buddy to hold you when you want to sit. “Baby’s first couch,” you can say on social media, though I wouldn’t recommend it. “#Adulting.”