Hold Tight, Spider Monkey, We're Predicting 'The Bachelorette' Based On 'Twilight'

- The Bachelor -
Hold Tight, Spider Monkey, We're Predicting 'The Bachelorette' Based On 'Twilight'

If Katie's first one-on-one date on The Bachelorette looked familiar, then you definitely saw all the Twilight movies opening night, because it was giving out major Edward-Bella vibes. From her plaid outfit to her fancy red truck, Katie was a total Bella Swan on her date with Greg, whose luscious locks, soft voice, and awkward cool made him a dead ringer for Edward Cullen. Fans online immediately noticed the comparison, and it got me thinking. What if Katie's season of The Bachelorette really is just Twilight? And, more importantly, what would that mean for the rest of her season?

Look, I'm not just making this up myself. Even Katie retweeted this viral take comparing The Bachelorette to Twilight, officially claiming her title as the Bella Swan of Bach Nation.

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Yes, this could just be a cute fun idea she likes, and no, Katie's season won't end in a human-vampire hybrid baby causing a huge war of the vamps. But looking at The Bachelorette through a Twilight lens could shed light on who will be left standing at the final rose ceremony. Let's dive in.

Greg & Katie Are Endgame

In Twilight, Edward and Bella end up together forever — literally — so, following this logic, Greg will receive Katie's final rose, but it might not be a straight shot to the final rose ceremony. Never forget when Edward unceremoniously dumped Bella in New Moon, sending her into a deep depression. So, could Greg self-sabotage and try to leave The Bachelorette early?

In the promo for the season, Katie tearfully tells someone "I'm losing you, I'm losing my mind," suggesting that there's a front-runner who's going to bow out of this journey early. If Greg really is The Bachelorette's Edward Cullen, then he'd leave mid-way through, only to swoop in at the last minute, just when Katie is ready to move on with a hot werewolf.

Greg Makes It To Fantasy Suites

Edward is good at sex — like bed-breaking good at sex — so if this Edward/Greg comparison really follows through, I'd expect to see him in the fantasy suites down the line.

Honorable mention: Mike P. implied in Episode 2 that because he hasn't had sex, he's saving up a lot of "energy" for his future wife, just like Edward did in the Twilight series. (Edward was a 108-year-old virgin when he and Bella finally had sex and destroyed the vacation home they were staying in.)

Who's Jacob?

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According to Twitter — and The Dipp's own Allison Piwowarski — Hunter is the Jacob of the season. Or, at least, looks a hell of a lot like Taylor Lautner. While I see the resemblance, I'm not convinced that Hunter will nab the Jacob spot in Katie's heart. Sure, he's got major muscles and isn't afraid of a fight, but his spark with Katie has yet to actually catch fire, and I just don't know if he's Jacob status yet in terms of his relationship. That said, I could definitely see Hunter going full Jacob and turning on Greg. Remember, Jacob's fave activity in Twilight was to always dunk on Edward. Hunter's Bachelorette journey could definitely follow a similar track, but that might make him more of a member of Jacob's pack than Jacob himself.

In terms of who might match up with Jacob as a runner-up/front-runner, my guess is it's going to be Blake Moynes. Like Jacob, Blake comes in a little late, perhaps at a time when Greg and Katie are on the rocks. He'll take her for a ride on his motorcycle, woo her with his warm hugs, and before you know it, Katie can see a life without Greg. And that's when things in this love triangle will start heating up. And if Greg and Blake are just half of the drama queens Edward and Jacob were, then we're in for a lot of D-R-A-M-A.

Honorable Jacob mention: Aaron was feeling pretty Jacob-esque last night, especially when he confronted Karl at the cocktail party. But, I could also see him being a total Emmett.

Where Does This Leave Everyone Else?

The only problem with this Twilight analogy is that there are way more guys in the Bachelorette mansion than there ever were in Forks. But, just like in Twilight, most of the men will be irrelevant anyways and there will only be two men left standing in the end. Sorry guys, if you're not Edward or Jacob — uh, I mean Greg or Blake — then you're probably not going to survive through Breaking Dawn Part 2 (aka the Bachelorette finale). Best of luck on your future endeavors.


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Image: ABC/Craig Sjodin

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