We watch Bachelorette for the love story. And by love story, we mean tHe LoVe sTorY. But after just two episodes of this season of the series, we might just have to start watching just for Katie's Bachelorette make-out sessions. Because they've become as creative as the newest exhibit in the east wing at the MOMA.
It's not unexpected — Katie is the franchise's first vocally sex-positive Bachelorette. (Not that sex positivity and sexual behavior go hand-in-hand, but that's an essay for another day.) And so far, she's shown audiences just how game she is to wag some tongues — which are, according to at least one of this season's contestants, the biggest sexual organs in a woman's body. Though we've had Bachelor Nation make-out sessions that have ranged from snotty to eye-opening, Katie's make-outs have been nothing short of... art.
Let's go back to the very beginning, during a premiere episode that gave us an absolutely paw-some (I am so very sorry) first kiss between Connor B. and Katie, a moment that busted cat lady stereotypes through the ages.
Tell me you can't imagine this photo hanging side-by-side with Hieronymus Bosch's The Temptation Of St. Anthony. Or at least in your nightmares.
In Episode 2, Connor came back with his paws-on approach (I am so very sorry again) with another passionate session, an attempt to redo a kiss that inspired plenty of furry jokes.
If this doesn't belong in r/accidentalrennaisance, then I don't know what does. But I feel Connor's pain — I, too, never know what to do with my hands, and I don't have dozens of cameras and boom mics hovering over me like a helicopter parent during AP season.
And then there's Greg. Sweet, sensitive Greg. What better place to swap spit and your affection for one another than on top of perhaps the most intimate of objects?
That's right. The toilet. What can I say? Katie's on a roll. (I profusely apologize.)
Frame these. Frame all of these. Sell them as NFTs. Stat.