Kate Vs. Toby: Who Is Right On 'This Is Us'?

- This Is Us -
Kate Vs. Toby: Who Is Right On 'This Is Us'?

There's a lot of sadness in the This Is Us universe, but perhaps one of the most gutting things to occur on the family drama is the slow disintegration of Toby and Kate's marriage. The end of their relationship has been spelled out ever since the Season 5 finale, which teased Kate's future wedding to her co-worker Phillip, but somehow knowing that it is coming makes the whole thing more painful. In Tuesday's "The Hill," it's clear that despite Toby and Kate wanting their marriage to work, it's doomed — and it all comes to a head thanks to a fight over whether or not they should move to San Francisco.

In real life, I would never argue that one person in a relationship is "right" and the other, "wrong." People are nuanced! Relationships are complicated! (Okay, this is only partially true. I do, occasionally, do this with celebrities.) Alas, This Is Us is a TV show, and the point of a TV show is to discuss the intricacies of the interpersonal relationships without coming across like a total gossip. So, with that in mind: Who was right about the Damon-Pearson clan moving to San Francisco? Here's where Kate and Toby each scored points.

Images: NBC

Toby: His Job Pays Well and He Likes It!

While Toby has certainly suffered on This Is Us (he battled depression multiple times and even had a heart attack) his affable attitude means that we often forget Toby has ever dealt with anything hard. Alas, as Toby reminds Kate in "The Hill," he's had a real go of it with his career — and he's finally at a company that pays him well and respects him. Toby definitely seems to be thriving at his job, and while that's not the only thing that should matter, it should be a factor in where the family lives. Kate may love her job, but now that she knows what she wants to do (work with kids in a music program) she can find a place in San Francisco that offers the same thing...right?

Kate: Her Family Is In LA!

You can call Kate and her twin brother Kevin codependent all you want, but the reality is, his support is huge. He also has kids with Kate's best friend! Kevin and Madison are built-in babysitters, and playmates for Kate's two kids. That matters a lot, especially if Toby is working in San Francisco and Kate out of the house for her own job. Plus, Rebecca is dying, and Kate is now in charge should something happen to Miguel — she needs to be around.

Toby: Kate Preferred Toby When He Was Lost!

One of the most gut-wrenching moments of "The Hill" was when Toby told Kate that she preferred his defense mechanisms to the person he actually is. He's not wrong: Kate even imagines herself hanging out with a younger version of Toby, in which he wore Hawaiian shirts and cracked jokes at every corner. What Toby reminds her is that the version of him she idealizes was unhappy and unhealthy. If Kate wants the old Toby back, who doesn't care as much about his job, well, that's a version that didn't work so well for Toby himself.

Kate: But Toby Is Different!

It's hard to justify the fact that Toby didn't tell Kate he got another job offer in Los Angeles, when it would have made her life so much easier if he were able to be in the same city. The truth is, Toby used to make Kate more of a priority — and now, he's making sure that he's happy first and foremost. It's not that it makes Toby a bad person (it's better that he fills his emotional cup first, right?) but that's not the guy Toby used to be...and it's a little jarring to hear him basically demand Kate move to San Francisco, rather than consider her feelings in all of this.

Toby: His Job Can Gives His Kids a Better Life!

Toby makes the point that Jack, who is blind, may need to attend a special school — something that his better-paying role in San Francisco could provide.

Kate: The Kids Need Stability

Kate points out that Jack does best when he knows his environment, which is why they practice the amount of steps it takes to get to the park, among other things. Moving Jack to a whole new city, without his support system, could mean a step back in his development.

Ultimately, is anyone really right in this fight? No, not really — and unfortunately, that makes the whole thing worse. Toby and Kate are on a collision course to divorce, and all we can really do is watch. Sob!

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