- The Bachelor -All The Sex Euphemisms From Katie's 'Bachelorette' Premiere
We knew it was coming. (Ha, coming.) Ever since Katie Thurston entered the Nemacolin Woodlands Resort with an open heart and a working vibrator, we know The Bachelor would find plenty of opportunity to use its first sex-positive contestant hero for the jokes. And, it seems, her season is no different — because there were enough sex euphemisms on Katie's Bachelorette premiere to make your head spin.
Just how many? We've chronicled all the references to the down and dirty (keeping it PG for ABC) throughout the episode. Now, of course, Katie said she enjoyed sex puns, and a man with a sense of humor. But her contestants having a base (literally) knowledge of our Bachelorette is, eh, less than impressive. But, come on, does Bachelor know better than to resort to the blue? Of course, but it's like climbing Everest — why not do it if it's there?
Here's how the cast talked dirty on night one — did anyone nail it? (Oh god, now I'm doing it too. Doing it. I did it again!)
-"No dry bushes here." Imagine keeping a straight face during b-roll footage filming. Now imagine saying this and keeping a straight face.
-"As an artist, these hands know what they're doing. So hopefully I can show Katie my way around her as well." You're not gonna be Ghost, bro.
-"[She's] kept me warm through those cold nights and those dark days." This actually worked for Cody the blow-up doll-toting contestant, believe it or not.
-"This past year and a half or so has been really tough, with all that pent-up stress .. I would just stroke and stroke and stroke it out." At least we learned a little about Justin's hobbies.
-"I don't know if there's a genie in here, but I'm hoping we could rub one out together." Christian, 1999 called, and wants Christina Aguilera back.
-"Now that we're acquainted, I hope you come... to the right conclusion." Quartney's just getting started...
-..."There are a lot of hard decisions to make."...
-..."My tongue could go on forever." Should have anticipated Tootsie Pop cosplay this season.
-"I never thought on my first night of The Bachelorette that I would be laying in a truck full of balls." Thirty men, Katie. Thirty men.
And we're just getting started — just wait 'til this season revs up.
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