When we meet Jughead in "Purgatorio," he has officially gone the way of the time jump version of Lucas Scott. Just like Lucas, who left One Tree Hill and published a "fictionalized" novel about his time in North Carolina, Jughead penned a book based on his experiences in Riverdale. And like Lucas, Jughead (and his terrible facial hair) is now suffering from a serious case of writer's block as he attempts his second novel. That is, until a novel (a good one) falls into his lap. So it's only a matter of time until Jughead steals the book of the girl he slept with and our moral center of the show will completely unravel, right?

In Season 5's "Purgatorio," Jughead — who was just dumped by his live-in girlfriend and has debt collectors literally pounding down his door — finds himself nursing his wounds at the bar. It's there he meets a grad student named Cora who gushes over his novel The Outcasts. (Yes, it's a riff on The Outsiders.) She tells him the romance between the homecoming queen and the outsider is "sexy." Naturally, it's on, and soon, they're stripping each other's clothes off in Jughead's messy apartment in Alphabet City.

In the morning, Cora admits that she didn't happen to find him at that bar — she knew it was his regular hang out, and she went hoping he would be there. She hands him her manuscript for The Rules of Distraction, which is clearly a riff on the Bret Easton Ellis novel The Rules of Attraction. (As someone who was once 19 and dumb and got a Less Than Zero tattoo... I get you, Cora.) She wants him to read it, and if he likes it, send it to his agent.