I mustache you a question — did anyone see that joke coming? OK, but the real question: After spending your formative years in Riverdale, do you automatically have seven years of bad luck? And does that bad luck come in the form of a teeny tiny mustache, specifically Jughead's mustache in the Riverdale time jump?

I get that the characters all need to show visible change — how else would we know that it has been seven years in their world? It's not like we've been planning for this since it was confirmed in May of last year (and theorized in the fandom long before that). Betty has moved on from her signature ponytail. Veronica's hair is longer... than shoulder length. Archie's hair is different? More red? (Didn't know that was possible!) And Jughead got rid of his beanie. And grew a thin, blink-and-you'll-miss-it mustache. They've changed.

To show the passage of time in the characters' appearance makes sense, do any of us look the same as we did when we graduated high school? But the 'stache leaves me with a few questions:

• Is Jughead's mustache something he's been working on since he graduated high school, and this is where it is at now?
• Does he trim it to be that teeny?
• Are the hairs supposed to represent the crown on his RIP beanie, which is currently deep below the Riverdale High football field?

And my biggest question, to steal the words from the viral 2015 Vine: "What are THOOOOSE*?"

(*"Those" being the hairs.)

The hairs first caught my eye in the Riverdale time-jump trailer, where we see the whole gang sitting in the Riverdale High School auditorium seemingly voting on something? To save Riverdale? After Hiram dissolves it? (Googles: Can you really dissolve a town?)