Just when you thought The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City couldn't possibly top its first season, Jen Shah goes and gets herself arrested for fraud. (For which she plead guilty to charges.) Season 2 of RHOSLC kicks off with that exact moment before jumping back in time to find out just how we got to the parking lot outside of Beauty Lab, and for once I actually want — no, need — to see how this all plays out.

And while I have no doubt this season is going to deliver like a Ruth's Chris to Kyle Richards' Tahoe house, the premiere itself is truly a work of art. Below are some of the most chaotic, incredible, memorable lines from the RHOSLC premiere that we will use to caption every single Instagram with until further notice. You're welcome.

• "You guys, what if she's on the run?" Heather, about Jen
• "I love this." Lisa, about everything in Jen's new house
• "Girl, you know I'll go to jail for you, I haven't gone to jail yet." Jen, in regards to backing Lisa
• "I need to après ski with you." Heather, to Meredith after skiing
• "I was falsely called a 'good time girl'... I want her to have experiences that like, earn the title of 'good time girl' and actually be that, feel that, and wear the badge with honor." Heather, on her daughter having a real college experience
• "... We have parties and Austin, my oldest stepson, comes over with people I went to high school with and I'm like "Whoa, this is weird" and they're like "Hey mom, what's up?" Whitney, on her stepsons
• "I am ready to make my own money and not do this [mimics giving a blowjob] anymore." Whitney, on her brand
• "I started talking to myself... I was talking to the mannequins. Like, it was not OK." Mary, on quarantine
• "On a boat dude." Jennie, on how she got out of Vietnam
• "When I first met my husband I was like, 'Damn! You have a nice body from the neck down.' From the neck up I was like, 'You know, it's OK.' Jennie, on first meeting her husband
• "My Auntie Nani, she looks good, she don't smell like 'hospital,' she smells like 'spensive, not expensive, 'spensive Louis Vuitton perfume." Jen, on her aunt not smelling like hospital
• "I'm taking over ordering because these skinny bitches don't know how to order." Heather, at lunch
• "The bottomless prosecco, so if it gets down you just refill it." Also Heather, at lunch
• "I don't want none of Jen's friendship juice..." Mary, on Jen
• "She has gone on an unwarranted vendetta against my family. I have not done anything to Jennifer Shah." Meredith, on Jen

Images: Bravo