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Please, Someone Get Garcelle & Sutton Some Palmolive

- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills -
Please, Someone Get Garcelle & Sutton Some Palmolive

I had a fourth grade teacher who I will not name, but let's just say the fact that her surname rhymed with an acidic condiment felt fitting. Each day, she came to class equipped with an abhorrence for children but a love for hydration, toting a blue water bottle with a permanent lipstick stain virtually stamped on the edge. It haunted me throughout my 10th year on earth, and beyond; it's likely even the reason I don't drink margaritas with a salted rim. My drinking vessels, no matter the material, must be clean, free of any evidence of skin-to-skin interaction. So imagine my distress watching seeing Garcelle and Sutton's glassware during Wednesday night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiere.

These women are refined. Luxurious. Couture. There's a reason they've been handed 90201's much-coveted oversized diamond. So, for the love of Baccarat Harmonie, explain to me how Sutton is okay with a cocktail hour presentation where the shade exists less in the Lisa Rinna-themed gossip than on the edge of a champagne glass?

As it turns out, our lady of post-divorce leisure is in good company. Because this is what the other side of the table looks like at Garcelle's mansion:

I get it. You might be too distracted by Garcelle serving confessional and clothing transparency, and not scarred enough by adolescence like me to notice what's happening here. So let's zoom in:

A) I hope that old-fashioned glass is filled with vodka, and not water.

B) Dying to know what shots they chose to warm themselves up for production. [Ed note: Upon inspection of my own photo, it appears to be Fireball, chased by Swedish fish, as classy ladies do.]

C) Did the production designer take one too, because who. Allowed. This. To. Happen.

This type of monstrosity happens on top of Aunt Phyllis' plastic-covered Jennifer Convertibles sofa, not on Garcelle Beauvais' Jonathan Adlers.

Palmolive, our ladies of RHOBH need you. Their matte NARS Stolen Kisses applicators need you. I need you, to keep me from being triggered throughout the rest of this season. If this isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

I'm upset.

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