Am I A Freak If I Say Robby Was Jess's Best Boyfriend On 'New Girl'?

- New Girl -
Am I A Freak If I Say Robby Was Jess's Best Boyfriend On 'New Girl'?

Jessica Day and Nicholas Miller are endgame always and forever. But if you can look past the cousin-lover thing, Robby was Jess's best boyfriend on New Girl. Before you attack me, I love Nick! I am Nick! I don't need to defend myself to you! But, if you look objectively at the scientifically-proven qualities that make a good boyfriend... well, Robby McFerrin is the total package.

Robby seemingly had a couple of strikes against him in the "best boyfriend" debate. He dated Jess's best friend. He's her third cousin. You know, standard strikes. But when you compare him to her other boyfriends, you can see how he stands out as the best boyfriend. For example:

Sam — They had the sex and attraction factor. But it wasn't hot enough to stop her from kissing Nick.

Russell — It never seemed Russell viewed Jess as his equal. And him being in love with her in the series finale?! Pshaw! Just a plot device to throw a wrench in Jess and Nick's relationship one last time. Don't do Dermot Mulroney like that!

Ryan — He may have ticked off the boxes. But that adorable British man didn't show up for Jess's dad's wedding. Robby would never.

But enough of those other duds. Here's why I'm awarding Robby the title of Jess's Best Boyfriend. (I'm sorry, Nick, I love you forever.)

He's A Good Guy

He's a nice guy, but he doesn't have that "nice guy" chip on his shoulder. That classic, toxic narrative that women aren't attracted to him because he's "too nice" or something. That's because Robby legitimately is a good guy! He diffuses tension, isn't defensive, has a great sense of humor, and is confident in himself without being cocky. Plus, he always has gum! What a decent dude.

He Has Many Hobbies

He sails, writes fan fiction, and plays bass with a gold record to boot (for Santana's "Cry Baby Cry"). You want a guy with celebrity connections? He's your guy! He shares a gardener with Vin Diesel, saved Elon Musk's life, and did hot yoga with Darlene Love. There's even a PBS special about him. You won't ever be bored with Robby.

He's Successful

I don't care about money and neither does Jess (although, she did get back with Nick right as The Pepperwood Chronicles was taking off. Discuss). But he designs factories, has a nice house, and yes, he's rich (... if you're into that kind of thing.) Compared to a 30-something-year-old man keeping all of his unpaid bills in a box in his closet, you can see the attraction.

He'll Always Duet With You

If it's karaoke night and you want to sing Adele and he wants to sing Journey, he'll compromise and come up with the unorthodox selection of The Doors. And then, you'll bring down the house together. (Though it might help if you have a singing voice like Zooey Deschanel's.) And who needs karaoke when you have musical skills like Robby? Because he can also jam out to Toto's "Africa" with you.

He Wraps Presents

As a grown woman who still has to wrap her dad's Christmas presents for her mom, this is an underrated attribute in a partner.

He's The Best Secret Santa

The present wrapping was good and all, but then Robby created a Christmas wonderland for Jess on the streets of L.A. when she didn't receive a Secret Santa gift. He hadn't even been included in the Secret Santa swap!

He Can Be Friends With Your Exes

This is a plus in real life but particularly if you live in a sitcom. Viewers first saw his ability to do this when he dated Cece and miraculously became friends with an extremely insolent Schmidt. If that wasn't evidence enough, he also wasn't threatened by Jess's relationship with Nick (even if maybe he should've been). He did once get jealous over Schmidt's dad Gavin, but hey, he was in a lot of pain from Jess breaking his body and probably sensed Jess was feeling ambivalent about him.

He Won't Sue You When You Break His Body

Another underrated quality in relationships.

He Gives Romcom Speeches

Who doesn't want a man to wax poetic about all the small traits you never noticed he noticed? Like Kate Bosworth's six smiles in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! Well, Robby delivers a glorious one in "Last Thanksgiving" that makes Jess realize the spark is there... and it had nothing to do with the lightning bug she ate as a child.

Robby stands up when he stands up for people! In conclusion, call me, Robby?


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Images: FOX

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