Help! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even enjoy The Bachelorette without my brain being bombarded by life's greatest questions, like, "If you enjoy wasting time, is it really wasted?" and "Why does quicksand work so slowly?" And it's all because of my nemesis: car commercials. Hyundai's "Question Everything" commercials have invaded my brain and taken over my life. But I will not let life's biggest questions haunt me any longer! And so, in an attempt to free me from Hyundai's existential grip, I am going to attempt the impossible. I'm going to answer all the baffling Hyundai questions — once and for all.
Hyundai launched their "Question Everything" campaign featuring celebs like Jason Bateman, Becky G, and Mindy Kaling, in April, and the commercials have been following me ever since. I swear, it's haunting me, even popping up a few times during the premiere of The Bachelorette, with commercials starring our beloved Tayshia Adams asking deep questions about love like, "Why do they call it falling in love, when a match is made in heaven?" (In that one, she then proceeds to LOCK HER CAR WITH HER PHONE.)
I need this to end. I am reclaiming my mind from Hyundai, and the first step is answering all these questions so that they no longer keep me up at night. Let's begin.
Q: "If you enjoy wasting time, is it really wasted?" — asked by Mindy Kaling
A: No.
Q: "Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?" — asked by Jason Bateman
A: According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, it's because the highways in Hawaii are built to "Interstate standards." Learn to Google, Bateman!
Q: " Why does quicksand work so slowly?" — asked by Kawhi Leonard
A: "Quick" doesn't necessarily mean having to do with speed or time. According to Merriam-Webster, "quick" can also mean "moving, shifting," hence quicksand.
Q: "Why is it called a pineapple when it's not pine, or apple?" — asked by Gia De Laurentiis
A: This one apparently has a long historical background, but, according to Merriam-Webster, the main thing to remember is that centuries ago, people thought this fruit was round like an apple, but also looked like a pinecone.
Q: "Why do they call it falling in love, when a match is made in heaven?" — asked by Tayshia Adams
A: Because the match is made first, and then you do the falling in love part.
Q: "Is there a synonym for thesaurus?" — asked by Mindy Kaling
A: No, but isn't a thesaurus is kind of like a very specific dictionary, because dictionaries also sometimes include synonyms. So, really, dictionary is kind of a synonym for thesaurus, right?
Q: "Why is something that's easy called a slam dunk when so few people can do it?" — asked by Kawhi Leonard
A: I assume this expression comes more from a "nothing but net" mentality, meaning, there's nothing obstructing a successful slam dunk — the ball just goes right into the hoop — so a "slam dunk" is easy because there's no obstruction. But, I want to state for the record that Kawhi is correct and we should stop using "slam dunk" to mean easy, because it is by definition very difficult. Unless you're playing on a Fisher Price hoop.
Q: "Shouldn't the word ambiguous have more than one meaning?" — asked by Becky G
A: According to Merriam-Webster, "ambiguous" is defined as either "doubtful or uncertain" or "capable of being understood in two or more possible senses," which, to be fair to Becky G, sound pretty much the same to me. This is the question that haunts me the most because it has no answer, but I know that if "ambiguous" had more than one meaning than would anything described as ambiguous have meaning? Would there be meaning at all?
Q: "If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?" — asked by Nate Berkus
A: My brain hurts, but I think logic would say that there is? And if so, then I guess the question becomes, if there is an exception to every rule, than is a rule without exception still a rule, or does it have to be called something else? WILL THIS VICIOUS QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE EVER END?
You know what Hyundai, maybe some questions don't need to be asked. And therein lies the true answer.
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Image: Hyundai