As the CFO of the tech company POOF, Connie Britton's character in The White Lotus is kind of a big deal. Yet, somehow, power-woman-in-the-tech-world Nicole Mossbacher couldn't afford another room at the White Lotus. Because why else would Olivia and Paula be sleeping on a pull-out couch in the shared living space while poor Quinn is forced to sleep on a cot in the galley kitchen? Is CFO Nicole being cheap on the Mossbacher's luxury family vacay or is another suite really too cost-prohibitive? I did some digging.
The Mossbachers and Paula are VIPs staying in the Tradewinds Suite at the White Lotus in Maui, Hawaii. They might not have a private plunge pool like in the highly-coveted Pineapple Suite, but they have a beach view and a ton of space. It's just that... the space isn't all that private. While parents Nicole and Mark have a king bed and walk-in closets in their room, Olivia, Paula, and Quinn (before he was forced to retreat on the beach) are all stuck in the common living room area. Not only is this not ideal for Nicole, who wants the common area to be tidy, feng shui-ed, and Zoom-ready, but it's certainly not ideal for the two young women and teenage boy.
If putting the kids in the main shared space was some sort of ploy to keep an eye on them, that's clearly not working — Olivia and Paula have been getting high, Paula is sneaking out for sex with an employee of the resort, and Quinn is jerking off on the beach. So the only thing I can think of is that Connie Britton... I mean Nicole Mossbacher (sorry, Connie!) cheaped out.
So I researched what it would actually cost to stay in a Tradewinds-adjacent suite in Maui.
First, here are the (rough) facts:
- The family is staying for a week
- It's July (Jennifer Coolidge's Tanya says her mom passed away in June and it's been a couple of weeks)
- Nicole is the main earner of the family and the median salary for a CFO in New York City with bonuses is more than $650,000, according to Salary.com
As for the location, The White Lotus was filmed at the real-life Maui Four Seasons. (Production designer Laura Fox told Variety they made adjustments to the resort's interior design, so giant turtle was not included.) For the room rates, guests at the Four Seasons are considered "Adults" if they are 19 or older. As they are entering their sophomore year in college, I've assumed that Olivia and Paula qualify as adults while Quinn would be a child, meaning the Mossbachers needed a suite that accommodated four adults and one child.
While there are numerous layouts for the hotel's accommodations, I searched rooms at the Maui Four Seasons for the week of July 10, 2022, for seven days, six nights for four adults and one child. Out of those choices, I picked the Oceanfront Prime Suite with 180-degree oceanfront views of the beach and nearby islands. Since, by the looks of their balcony/lanai situation, it appears the Mossbachers paid for those views.
The Oceanfront Prime Suite averaged $9,083 A NIGHT. With a 10.25% room tax and a 4.17% Hawaiian state tax, that would make the seven-day trip come to a total of $62,353.19. (Oh god, that doesn't even count the airfare and scuba certification.) In case you live in a world where you need to put that into perspective, that room is roughly about three years of tuition (including room and board and a meal plan minus fees) for in-state residents at Nicole's favorite journalist's alma mater SUNY Potsdam.
Although the Oceanfront Prime Suites say they "offer flexible configurations of up to four rooms, perfect for groups," the standard is that they accommodate four adults or two adults and three children with a king-sized bed, a sofabed, and a rollaway. So I have the sneaking suspicion that Nicole booked Olivia and Paula as children too, leading to the one bedroom. When I changed the search settings to two adults and three children, it brought the room rate to $8,883 for a total of $60,980.15 — a $1,373.04 savings.
I get that Nicole is a CFO and knows how to budget. But was the savings of $1,373.04 when you're spending more than $60,000 anyway worth the hassle of your daughter abusing your son? Or having to constantly pick up the common space after your daughter, who's too busy going down Hawaiian k-holes to clean up after herself?
Sure, the fictional White Lotus may have different pricing than the very real Four Seasons. And who knows what kind of income old Mark and his swollen balls are bringing in. But even if Nicole wanted the family to bond, may I suggest next time splurging on two rooms. Or better yet (totally unbiased here), opt for a staycation and donate the rest to some struggling journalist's college loans.
Images: HBO, Four Seasons