Dakota Johnson, Please Consider This Your Formal Invitation To My Birthday

- The Dipp -
Dakota Johnson, Please Consider This Your Formal Invitation To My Birthday

Jan. 17, 2022, will mark the 30th anniversary of my birth. There will be cake, there will be references to this Cut article, and there will be a formal invitation to Dakota Johnson.

In 2019, Dakota Johnson went viral for her interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, because everyone's favorite daytime talk show host tried to embarrass Johnson for not inviting DeGeneres to her birthday party. The fact of the matter was, "Actually that's not the truth, Ellen."

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If you know the internet culture around Ellen DeGeneres, you cherish this memory to this day. (Almost as much as knowing Dakota Johnson lied about loving limes in her Architectural Digest home tour, when she's really allergic to them.)

Moving onto the real story. Breaking news outlet, The Drew Barrymore Show, recently had Johnson on for a segment in which Johnson revealed she was neighbors with Jimmy Kimmel and his wife Molly. All around, they're great people, Johnson said. But they do throw a lot of parties — without Johnson.

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Ever the journalist, Barrymore saw the opportunity and asked the question we've all been wondering since Oct. 2019. "Is this for real, because people have gotten in trouble for claiming not being invited to your parties?" A real Christiane Amanpour, this one.

Johnson laughed it off while Barrymore commended her for her service to her country. "That was amazing." Yes, yes it was.

So let this be a lesson to us all... if you throw a party, you better fucking invite Dakota Johnson.

Images: YouTube

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