Do You Want To Fork This Yogurt?

- The Dipp -
Do You Want To Fork This Yogurt?

There are some products that are just inherently hard to market. Adult diapers, toilet paper, and birth control are some that come to mind. No matter how many Real Housewives, cuddly bear families, or cheerful flashmobs creative directors throw at us during the inevitable commercial break, there's just seemingly no good way to talk about peeing, pooping, or a woman's reproductive system with the general public. (Don't even get me started on tampons.) Yogurt is another one, as the new Oikos "Forkable Yogurt" campaign makes abundantly clear.

You've likely seen the ads at this point, and if you haven't, consider yourself lucky. (But also, don't worry, I've included it below.) The spots are blessedly short, with shots of fruit literally smashing (get it?) into each other and falling apart in remarkably large pieces into a container of yogurt before a (sultry?) fork appears to scoop it all all up into one unctuous bite with the tagline "Forkable Yogurt" behind it.

Depending on whether you're watching an ad for the cherry or peach flavor, the copywriters went one step further and added, "The creamy one, with fruit chunks," just to drive the point home. As if all of this wasn't uncomfortable enough, the ads are set to the tune of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game," a once steamy '90s song that will now be forever associated with... fuckable — I mean, forkable yogurt.

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Are we trying to make yogurt hot now?! Am I supposed to be attracted to this yogurt? Or enticed with the richness, and — yes, trigger warning, I'm going to use the word again — chunkiness of this dairy product?

I get it - selling yogurt is hard! Jamie Lee Curtis, bless her heart, has been trying to make yogurt and regularity A Thing for a decade now. But even the most dedicated yogurt consumers don't eat it because they enjoy it. It's just something you gotta get down to tide you over before a meal or to get your metabolism started in the morning. Eating yogurt is basically a chore you just need to cross off your fucking list. This is why they turned it into a "drink" or a fun little portable "snack" to suck out of a tiny plastic pouch like the healthy little heathen you are.

But to be clear, there is nothing fun or sexy about yogurt.

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This is why it's funny that Nandor's werewolf lover on What We Do In the Shadows, Gail, has a favorite flavor of yogurt (strawberry vanilla crunch, no less) that he feeds her after sex. It's foul, and eating it is an activity that should be done quickly and alone, never to be spoken of in good company. Very much like pooping, which is the only other thing yogurt has been reliably associated with until now.

But sex? Sensuality? A forking fork?! You can miss me with all of that, Oikos. And now I can't get "Wicked Game" out of my head, so thanks for all of that.

Images: Oikos

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