Let's just say it... None of us have truly lived because we haven't been soothed to sleep by Mike's mom running her hands through our hair. But we have all been subjected to the second best and worst thing, hearing him talk about it while having Katie's foot sandwiched between his butt cheeks. Yeah, tonight's Bachelorette date where Katie and Mike cuddled for the masses to watch was a tough one to watch.

And yet, I watched it three times, because I simply couldn't believe how much of a masterclass in nightmares it managed to be. From the body language to the cuddle queen (actually I loved her) to the close talking, I couldn't let this date float off into the sunset without all of us reliving it's best moments just one more time.

So I know present to you Katie and Mike's awkward cuddle date in 18 screenshots.

First, let's take a look at this distance. The six feet rule need not apply while living in the Bachelorette bubble. But then again, it's a great excuse to get a few final moments of personal space before sticking your foot between a grown man's linen-covered legs.

The body language here screams 4th grade square dancing partners in gym class. They're attentive and listening to the cuddle queen, but they're also thinking, "Is it too late to quit the show?"

We got a lot of laughs on this date and yet nothing was remotely funny.

Oh, it gets worse.

Wait that's not the right one...

Back to the show!

The lap of luxury looked more like an airport Auntie Anne's pretzel, but if the airport pretzel had a random foot sticking out of it.

It's that time in the evening when we have to move into a commercial break, and today's ad is for... Mike's mom!

According to a happy customer testimonial, aka Mike, his mom, "brings a nurturing touch to everything and every situation she comes into contact with.... When I was younger, my mom and my sisters, when my dad was at work, they'd be watching TV, and you know, my mom would be scratching my head, and I'd be passed out, sleeping. Like, that physical touch is everything to me."

Thanks, Mike! Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Along with good smelling hair, Katie also, apparently, has smooth legs. But wait! There's more...

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

I don't think I need to say more, but I have six more screenshots to share, so let's speed through them.

"Believe me, if it was up to me, I'd be humping everything."

The eyes are the window to the soul, and the view through those eyes scream "RESCUE ME!"

Speaking of rescuing, Mike wore his cult-leader best to the date, which was nice.

And that's it! I hope you survived the reliving that was the cursed cuddling date on The Bachelorette.

Images: ABC