I never thought the phrase "Joe Dirt" could be infused with so much sexual energy. But here we are, in the year 2021, when the Bachelor In Paradise men are so lacking, that Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is the beach's biggest get. Because is there anyone who seems a better match than David Spade and Demi Burnett?

Sure, it was awkward/problematic for the comedian to ask Demi about whether she's "headed for the P or the V" on the beach this season. And Spade, of course, is not an official part of the competition. (Not that that has stopped cast members in the past.) But the tension was palpable. Bursting. Reaching the heights of that fence Colton scaled during his season of The Bachelor. The flirtation was real. And after a disastrous date with the possibly-attached Brendan, Demi's options seemed obvious: why not skip this whole charade, and just walk out with the dude unafraid to match a patchy mustache with a panama hat? Confidence matches best with confidence, right?

Not to mention the fact that Demi is be above BiP in general — after all, this is a reality series built for basic heterosexual influencers, not necessarily known for treating the sexuality spectrum with the respect it deserves. (Why force Demi to gravitate toward a male cast member in order to guarantee a rose?) So let's call this the perfect match made in paradise: Demi can increase her D-list standing to a C, and Spade gets something good out of the deal too:

I joke (Spade is definitely one of the top five nicest celebrities I've ever spoken with, so dude's a catch), but, then again, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility. Spade's previous girlfriends include Heather Locklear and Julie Bowen — both women with dynamic presences, senses of humor, and Sweet Valley-esque tresses. Sound familiar?

This season on BiP, let Demi get her groove back with the Emperor with all the groove. It's just the type of chaos that Demi — and we — deserve.

Tell me you don't see it. (You definitely see it — based on our poll at least.)

Soul mates don't shake hands; soul mates neg each other until the inevitable.

Let's keep the ship chugging.