When I woke up on this overcast Friday, I was excited to have a chill morning: eat my waffles, sip my coffee, catch up on deuxmoi, and see what Bachelor Nation was up to. What I did not expect was to check up on a certain Public Enemy Number 1 and see that he posted a fairly lengthy video — seven minutes to be exact.

In Bachelor in Paradise star Brendan's initial Instagram story apology, he said that "a full statement and apology will follow," and follow it did. Late Thursday night, the ex-Paradiser posted a 7 minute 14 second video to his IGTV with the caption "Paradise Apology." And since I am such a good friend, I watched it all and took notes so that you don't have too. Here are the main points he had to say...

• First off, he apologizes to Natasha. He never "meant" to hurt her or lead her on. He "honestly enjoyed spending time" with her and her "sweet, soft, kind nature."
• He calls out that he and Natasha didn't have a "romantic spark" and that after knowing each other for just a few days, he "never imagined the heartbreak that he caused her."
• He doubles down on the fact that Pieper and him were not in an exclusive relationship. They confirmed that they did go out to eat, and hung out in group settings.
• Brendan told Pieper that he "would love to see you her in Paradise." At that time, Pieper didn't know if she could go or wanted to go.
• He was 100% single in Paradise.
• Pieper and him did not have a big, elaborate plan.
• He apologizes to Natasha specifically for saying "she didn't have any prospects" and that she was "getting annoying."
• He has discovered that he has an "inability to communicate" in a clear, effective way causing misunderstandings — this happened both with Natasha and Pieper.
• Brendan and Pieper were on completely different pages about their relationship and he takes all responsibility for that.
• He addresses the "follower narrative" saying that he wanted to "be on the beach and get a month with a beautiful person... spend 20+ hours a day with them and potentially fall in love."
• He continues on to say, "if I wanted the max amount of followers I would not have pursued Pieper or Natasha, I would have went after a girl with a million followers."
• He called out the other contestants on Paradise who are saying he was there for TV due to the irony since they are filming interviews with a camera in front of their face. Everyone knows that are coming to be on TV.
• At the end, he circles back to apologizing to Natasha.
• He says he did many things wrong with Natasha, Pieper, and the other girls on the beach. He acknowledges these wrong doings and will continue to work on himself.

In general, I do think he has remorse, but I also think he's missing the point just a wee bit. Right off the bat saying that he "never imagined the heartbreak he could have caused" after a "handful of days..." OK, we can pick up on what you're trying to do there, bud.

But let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he and Pieper did have a huge misunderstanding going in to Paradise, you still said what you said ON CAMERA about "navigating" this a certain way, and followers, and "incriminating" yourself.

Lastly, saying that if you were there for followers, you would have pursued someone with a million just probably isn't the best way to prove your point. Next time, maybe use a publicist?

Image: Brendan Morais, Instagram