Chloe Trautman's Boyfriend (Now Husband) Chris Long Leads Two Different Lives

- Siesta Key -
Chloe Trautman's Boyfriend (Now Husband) Chris Long Leads Two Different Lives

The premiere of Siesta Key is Thursday night and from the trailer, it looks like we're introduced to Chloe Trautman's boyfriend-turned-husband, Chris Long. (The season filmed in the summer/fall of 2021 when they were dating, the pair got engaged in November, 2021 and married in February, 2022.) In trying to find out more about who Chris is and what makes him tick, I found that he has two very different online personalities.

On Instagram – and on the show – he's claiming to be a health and wellness expert who gives motivational advice. He's got Instagram Stories saved full of motivational quotes he's repeating from Kobe Bryant, the Navy Seals, and more, and posts memes with cursive fonts about how today is going to be your day. He starts a lot of videos with, "Hey, beautiful people."

His Instagram handle used to be Alive With Chris Long, but now it's Alive With The Longs (he and Chloe) so it stands to reason they're promoting themselves as some sort of team of wellness gurus. And as Cara so beautifully puts it in the trailer... she goes, "So, they're both on journeys?"

And yes, it seems they are. They're lighting candles and meditating, they find nature healing, and they breathe in the breath of life before confronting their enemies.

Anyway, here's how Chris prioritizes his life on Instagram:

• God First♾
• Husband💍
• Adventure🌎
• Spirituality🕉
• Health/Wellness🌿
• Florida📍

His LinkedIn tells a different story, though.

Which is fair: Instagram and LinkedIn are two different sides of any person. But normally there's some overlap. Not with Chris. On Instagram he's a motivational speaker with some life tips to share with his "fam" and on LinkedIn, he's a capitalist (no shame in that game) shilling hair-cutting shears for the man.

His LinkedIn titles says he's a "Territory Sales Manager at Hattori Hanzo Shears," which is a Japanese hair-cutting scissor.

He writes on LinkedIn that he's a top sales person in the organization, and mentions that "through a vast network of personal connections and a passion for learning and travel, Chris has visited over 10 countries and 20 states."

Is that something that you'd need a "vast network of personal connections" to achieve? Asking for a friend.

Cara and Jordana side-eye the hell out of Chloe and Chris in the trailer, and this better be a plot-point this season. There's nothing more predatory than faux-wellness and if that's what's going on with Chris the Scissor Salesman and Chloe the Chameleon, then we need to know.

And if that's not what's going on, and these two are the real deal out to help us (reminder: Chloe screams at someone that they're a "vindictive bitch" and points her finger in their face this season) then let that light shine bright and let the healing begin, "fam."

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