Analyzing The First 'Sex And The City' Reboot Photo As If I Were On 'Criminal Minds'

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Analyzing The First 'Sex And The City' Reboot Photo As If I Were On 'Criminal Minds'

Damn, I missed these ladies. Even though I have watched the series countless times and, controversially, recognize both movies as part of the canon (I said both, and I will not be taking any questions at this time), seeing the women of Sex and the City in the first official photo for the HBO Max reboot feels good. Like seeing my friends for the first in a while since our chaotic and blatantly offensive trip to Abu Dhabi. (We needed a break after that vacay.)

Of course, a picture says a thousand words, but I think I can do it in half as many. I decided to analyze, zoom in, deeply research, and uncover every little thing I could about this first photo as if I was Garcia in Criminal Minds. And if you don't get that reference, then I can't help you, because there was a solid four years of my life where I spent every single weekday watching E!'s "Ladies Who Lunch" SATC reruns before switching over to ION for the the back half of my afternoon with the behavioral analyst unit of the FBI on Criminal Minds. Those four years are also known as my college years.

Let's dive in. First, the photo...

Now, the things I need to point out...

  • The obvious, no Samantha. Honestly, I think it's fine. Let's not dwell on the past but instead accept the present. These women look great as a threesome walking down the street, and quite frankly, no one likes a group of four friends that walk down the sidewalk side-by-side. It is obnoxious and takes up the entire width of the walkway.
  • They're in midtown, I think. I spent years going to the Argo Tea (RIP) on Broadway by Central Park. I don't know if that's where they are, but I can tell you this... they're not downtown. (Also, I spent approximately 35 minutes trying to figure out where this was taken, so if you have any leads let me and my Google Maps know.)
  • Charlotte's got a ring on. A big one, at that. It's on her left ring finger just below her itty bitty watch that I'm sure is very expensive. What's this mean? Harry and her are (hopefully) going strong.
  • So Miranda looks like she's been through a Governor of New York race in the last few years... all biz, with a touch of class and sophistication. Pants are going to get filthy though. I can't see Miranda's left hand, but after what Steve put her through in the first film, I will literally chop his remaining ball off if he hurts her again.
  • Carrie looks happy, healthy, and minus one black diamond engagement ring. I know that Carrie is absolutely the kind of girl who doesn't need a ring to feel married (we saw that with the ring around the neck with Aidan), but Big got her that black diamond! Where is it? Did she take it off because he's dead? Or they're separated?
  • The gangs all here...

Images: HBO Max, HBO

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