‘RHOBH’ Season 12 Episode 2: The Hotel Lobby Birthday Party From Hell

- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills -
‘RHOBH’ Season 12 Episode 2: The Hotel Lobby Birthday Party From Hell

You've got Asher as Dasher, Rinna as Dancer, Kyle as Prancer, and Diana as Vixen. But the only reindeer I cared about during the second episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Season 12 is Erika Jayne: aka Blitzen. I don't know what upper/downer cocktail Erika was drinkin' during Harry Hamlin's 70th birthday party in a hotel lobby, but it was the same one as her appearance during Wednesday night's Watch What Happens Live! with Christine Quinn and I'd like a sip.

There's something about watching a woman who had a short-lived stint as one of the merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail laugh maniacally and say, "Go fuck yourself" in an Andaz Hotel to Sutton "I bring the receipts" Stracke, but I'm getting ahead of myself. The episode truly begins approximately three hours prior, specifically at 4:40 p.m., on Oct. 29. How do I know this? Because Dorit and PK are reliving the Oct. 27 break-in in their bedroom, and not far off camera, their smart home system (or perhaps thermostat) displays the date and time. I also know (through Google) that the sun set at 6:03 p.m. on Oct. 29 in Los Angeles, so somewhere in between 4:40 p.m. and sundown, Dorit shared with us why she isn't afraid of bees, Kyle and Rinna got chicken salads at Republique and got glammed for Harry Hamlin's 70th, Sutton and Crystal got a peach pancake cake at Lady M's, and Erika got her hair done in front of a french door-style refrigerator. Either my timeline is 100% accurate, or the show got really crafty with their editing to set us up for the drama to come.

Let's get into Harry Hamlin's 70th birthday party that occurred a stone's throw away from the couch area of the hotel lobby. It was classless. It was embarrassing. It was phony. And it was amazing. And just one more time, let's marvel in the awe of Harry Hamlin because dammit, this man is turning 70 and he's gonna have his birthday in a public space of a hotel if he wants to!

The first to arrive at the party — "see we'll have this whole room," Rinna says about the Andaz Hotel, while a man in a neon Hanes t-shirt and trucker hat sits not even 10 feet away — is Erika Jayne, who comes without a gift, but with the proposition of a threesome between her and the Hamlins. You know it's going to be a good night when it begins with Erika suggesting a threesome, and ends with Erika (on WWHL) suggesting a fivesome (add Asher and Diana).

Garcelle is next with bagged gift, and boy do I want to know what one gets Harry Hamlin for his 70th (can you believe he's turning 70?) birthday. They joke about pasta sauce, and Garcelle still refuses to thank Harry live, in person, and that's why I love her.

Sutton, Crystal, and Rob show up next. Earlier, Sutton told Crystal she was "a bit of an empath," which is why she immediately tells Garcelle that she loves Rinna because they can both be "small breasted" together. "Go over there and small breast her," Garcelle responds, while Sutton is sandwiched in between one woman who she recently blasted on WWHL, and another who will later tell her to go fuck herself.

Then our new housewife, Diana Jenkins, arrives. From what I can tell, so far, Diana Jenkins is a two name housewife, not unlike Lisa Vanderpump or Jen Shah. Diana Jenkins is a fascinating woman. She grew up in war-torn Bosnia, and escaped when she was just under 20. She spent years in poverty, cooking and cleaning for others, and now has Elton John posting an Instagram story wishing her luck on her debut episode of RHOBH. (He can't watch the show, though, because "he doesn't get it in England"... which sounds more like an excuse to not weigh in on the Sutton/Rinna drama, but I digress.)

Diana Jenkins also has a hot fiancé, named Asher, who Sutton is a glutton for. He and Diana Jenkins have a cute baby, a sexy house filled with staff including a full time and part time chef, and a dog named Pearl. I'm very into this hot couple.

Diana Jenkins also brings something else to the table at Harry Hamlin's 70th birthday party... she's one of the sponsors and co-hosts the gala that Sutton and Rinna are fighting over. Point, Rinna. (Cue, smirk photo.)

Sutton enters into an apology to Rinna in an awkward but gracious way. She says she overspoke on WWHL, and is owning her part in bringing up something that should never have been brought up. (I couldn't disagree with that last part more.) Rinna appreciates the apology but still can't believe she would do this to Harry Hamlin (who is turning — ! — 70!), and doubles down on the fact that Sutton canceled her tickets at the last minute.

Sutton seems genuinely shocked by the accusation, which makes me inclined to believe her. But then, what I consider to be the smoking gun, is said.

"That's what they told me," Rinna says, speaking of 70-year-old Harry Hamlin's publicist, who supposedly told Rinna that Sutton pulled out of the table at Elton's gala. Up until now, I've always thought we were working directly with Rinna and Sutton. A classic Housewives, She Said She Said. But no, we're actually working with a She Said, His Publicist Said, which changes a lot for me.

What also changes a lot for me are the receipts Sutton folded away in her handbag, to avoid the "slander" she seemingly knew was coming. "Slander! Slander!" Erika starts chirping a few seats over. She's lit up and really thinks she is doing something with the repetition of that word. No one is listening to her, though, yet.

Sutton presents the receipts which make Rinna shrug and say, "This is what I was told." Kyle says it was one big miscommunication, and Sutton offers one more apology to Rinna before Erika asks if she is going to get an apology. What follows is, in a word, perfection, especially when you see it interlaced with the husbands off to the side in the hotel lobby where Harry Hamlin's 70th birthday party is being held, talking about which hand they wipe their butts with.

"Yeah never," Sutton replies.

"Go fuck yourself," Erika says.

"You go fuck yourself," Sutton mirrors.

Erika laughs manically, antagonizing Sutton, and then says, "Yeah you." (I don't get it but I'm along for the ride!)

"Shut up," Sutton says.

"You shut up," Erika retorts.

And scene. (At least for now.)

What do we have in store? Well, an actual store — Kyle has a store opening next week in La Quinta and the women are attending. We know magical things tend to happen with these women in La Quinta, so hold on tight. We'll also get more from Sutton regarding her coldness towards Dorit's robbery, which she weirdly doubled down on to Kyle at the end of this week's episode, all while wearing what appeared to be an "All Too Well" scarf. And Crystal is ready to be activated. Bring it on!

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