After much online debate/anticipation, the live-action Clifford the Big Red Dog trailer has finally arrived, and however weird you thought the Clifford movie would look — trust me, it's weirder.
The trailer establishes Clifford as a sort of magical puppy, who, thanks to a magical wish by his new owner, orphan girl Emily (Darby Camp). goes from a tiny pup that can fit in Emily's hands to huge dog roughly the size of an average New York City apartment overnight. His first actions as a huge, threatening beast include: whacking around Emily's uncle Casey (Jack Whitehall), and sneezing on Emily. And it's...charming? Because who doesn't love a 10-foot tall, untrained puppy who looks like he was bathed in blood, right?
Later in the trailer, he even plays fetch with a couple of innocent bystanders playing in those giant, human-sized plastic balls. He's a menace! An attempted murderer! An uninsurable nightmare! But the worst part comes at the end of the trailer, when Clifford is playing with a small pug, giving him a big lick before accidentally swallowing the other dog whole.
That is a small dog being dragged into Clifford's mouth right there.
Clifford is spits him out, and the pug, unharmed, shakes himself to get the spit and drool off of him as Emily and Uncle Casey look on in shock. Finally, Casey eventually says, "Maybe it's time to feed him," which begs the question: is Clifford a cannibal? Sure, he spits out the poor small pup, but what if his human owners weren't there? Would he have just swallowed that dog like it was an afternoon snack? And if he can't eat a small dog, what does he eat, and how does one dog dinner not bankrupt the entire city?
Clifford, I love you, but you're scary AF and I'm worried you're going to accidentally eat your humans. But this is a kid's movie, and they wouldn't give us something so dark... right? ... RIGHT?
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Image: Paramount Pictures/YouTube