- Gossip Girl -24 'Gossip Girl' Revival Questions We All Had While Watching The Pilot
The new Gossip Girl has finally premiered and my world has officially been turned upside down. How am I supposed to think about anything other than HBO Max's Gossip Girl, it's connections to the O.G. Gossip Girl, and the wild bombs already dropped in the very first episode! Seriously, I have so many questions after watching the new Gossip Girl, I fear I will never sleep again.
Spoilers ahead — do not read if you have not watched Gossip Girl or are gonna be mad that I am revealing things. Obviously, my main question right now is about Gossip Girl herself, Kate Keller, A TEACHER at Constance Billard. Will I ever get over the fact that a group of private school teachers — who presumably have lives and careers and student debt to worry about — decided to start a gossip Girl Instagram just to get mean students to stop insulting their outfits? No! I will not! How does this make sense? Do I love this twist or do I hate it? I have no idea. What I do know is that I have plenty more questions for Gossip Girl to answer going forward — 24 of them, in fact, listed below:
- Wouldn't the teachers all already know about Gossip Girl? In the age of Google, who doesn't search their employers online? Gossip Girl would definitely have come up in a search. And, if not, Dan Humphrey is (apparently) a well-known writer, presumably he's written about Gossip Girl before. It's not like Kate Keller and her friends are elderly. They were kids when Gossip Girl was happening. You're telling me that story never went viral?
- IDK what Rebecca was getting at, but Gossip Girl absolutely did not keep the students in line back in the day. Delusional!
- Why would these teachers risk getting fired? I no it's not technically abuse, but I feel like publishing embarrassing secrets and racy photos of your students is not something you want on your resumé.
- Why target Zoya — who is A FRESHMAN? She's literally done nothing to any of the teachers, they don't even know her.
- Is there something more about Kate Keller we don't know? I get that she was annoyed Monet got her co-worker fired and she doesn't appreciate being talked down to by the students, but there's got to be more than that driving her to do this...right?
- Why, oh why would you think it's a good idea to post a photo of an undressed 14-year-old on Instagram? (Side note: why didn't Zoya or Julien report it? Seems like something Insta might take seriously.)
- And was that guy taking pictures stalking Obie and Zoya, or did he just "happen" to be there?
- Is Kate even a good teacher?
- Why does Zoya know so much about college admissions? I'd get it if she was just worried about her GPA, but this seems extreme.
- Isn't Yale Drama school a graduate program? If Zoya's dream is to go there for college, she's going to get a rude awakening.
- How is it possible that Zoya and Julien never met? Does meeting as babies at their mom's funeral not count?
- How in the world has Zoya kept daily chats and phone calls a secret from her dad for two years when Julien is literally listed as "Julien" in her phone?
- Not a question, but I don't buy Zoya as 14. I don't know why they decided she should be a freshman, but oh well.
- What exactly are the uniforms at Constance Billard nowadays? What are they supposed to look like? And what is the point if everyone is wearing whatever they want anyways?
- Max said that Obie is the richest of the group, so I have to know what his parents do for a living. He's a baby activist, so are they evil oil barons? Arms dealers? It's gotta be bad, right?
- How long have he and Julien been dating?
- How long has Julien been an "influencer" and what does she actually...do? Is she a model? Is she just rich and on Insta? How many followers does she have?
- How long have Audrey and Aki been dating and why are they basically married?
- When is this threesome with Max gonna happen? Because I need it to be like right now. (Also, someone please tell Aki that women rarely orgasm from penetration alone, I think he needs some tips.)
- Have Max and Audrey hooked up before? Or Max and Aki? I feel like there's more to this story.
- What are Luna and Monet's end games? They have to have something driving them to be Julien's managers/assistants, and Monet clearly has power and influence on her own. What gives?
- Monet has enough juice to get a teacher fired, but she's not queen bee? I smell a potential coup in Julien's future.
- I am also obsessed with Monet's dining room that featured three staff and two dogs and no other person. What's going on here? Is she basically Eloise at the Palace?
- I get that nobody knows the dick pic they made Zoya air drop to the entire fashion show was of Max, but if someone found out, and Max is underage, then couldn't Zoya be in trouble for disseminating child pornography? Because that would be some SERIOUS stuff.
Here's hoping we'll get some answers next week, but given O.G. Gossip Girl's love of loose ends, I'm not holding my breath.
Image: Karolina Wojtasik/HBO Max