It's been said that you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. It turns out, though, 14 years is all it takes when it comes to creating the villainous teachers on Gossip Girl. Don't get me wrong, teachers are heroes... they're shaping the future leaders of America! They're role models for kids who need it! But, not the Gossip Girl teachers, who are singlehandedly ruining the lives of 14 to 16 year old children while simultaneously learning how to become an Instagram influencer.

It all started with some spilt coffee. Kate Keller, played by Tavi Gevinson, is essentially roasted (pun intended) by the cool crowd at Constance Billard. It turns out, as a full-fledged adult woman who lives in New York City and who lived through a pandemic and a year of Zoom teaching, Kate's breaking point is a 15-year-old student telling her her Zara outfit is ugly. She clearly doesn't live by Michelle Obama's law in that when they go low, we go high. Instead, Kate, goes lower than a Lorimer stop subway rat to regain power. She seems to forget that these students will eventually graduate and leave the school behind. But sure, blow up their already fractured families to feed your insecure ego, why don't ya.

I acknowledge this goes beyond a Zara blazer, in that the students are supposedly so powerful they have the ability to influence who does and doesn't get to keep a job at school. But I'd imagine that they're not the first self-absorbed brats to walk through the halls. (I'd urge Kate to watch Bravo's short-lived series NYC Prep.) I get it, Gen Z-ers are intimidating. I once took the subway with a group of really cool private school kids just like the Gossip Girl crew and was so nervous they were going to think I was lame that I got off at the next stop and switched cars. You know what I didn't do? Push them into an oncoming train to ruin their lives. @Kate, that was meant for you.

I can't even get into the fact that a teacher takes photos of Obie and Zoya changing out of their wet clothes (Zoya being, like, 14) and shares them. That has to be illegal?

Now that we know who Gossip Girl is, the question is how long can it go on. While it adds a fun and unexpected twist, it also can't sustain an entire series in which we're just watching an adult woman and her friends torture children. I've got Dance Moms for that, thank you.

Will we see Gossip Girl gain a conscience and pull back from her tormenting? Could Kate get so guilt-ridden that she gives up the handle only to learn that someone else has picked it up, thus the mystery of "Who am I?" begins all over again? (This is a free idea, HBO Max!) Time will tell. Until then, I'm going to start looking into how tenure works and if Kate Keller can be stripped of it.

Images: HBO Max