Look, Julien, you might be the queen of Constance Billard, but I think we all know who the best character on Gossip Girl really is, and that's Monet de Haan. Sure, she flits around Julien like a Kylie Jenner assistant hoping to be chosen for a precious lip kit collab, but, as we've learned over the past three episodes, there's more to her than meets the eye.
She's only had a few scenes, but so far Monet has proven herself to be the most delicious mean girl, and the closest thing the new GG has to a Blair successor (yes, I said it). She's quick with a criticism and isn't afraid of playing dirty. I mean, she got a teacher fired in the very first episode, and then proudly threatened the remaining faculty. And, of course, she's been quick to paint Zoya as enemy number 1, offering to throw a latte on her at school — "turmeric stains forever" — and plotting with Luna to steal her phone and use to to send a dick pic to an entire fashion show.
But none of that compares to her EXQUISITE Episode 3 verbal beat down of Brad Pitt. While encouraging Julien to get over Obie by hooking up with a new man, she revealed one simple truth: "Jules, I hate to say this to you, because fuck the patriarchy, right? But men always win this. Brad Pitt is ancient, yet he wins an Oscar for showing his desiccated abs, while a still-prime Angelina disappears a Disney witch." Honestly, someone check to see if Brad Pitt is still breathing because that was murder in the first degree.
And Monet is as ruthless in her personal life as she is with her words. Though we still don't know anything about her personal life other than the fact that she eats breakfast alone in a grand dinning room surrounded by a couple fluffy poodles and house staff, we did learn a bit more about her this episode. After killing Brad Pitt, she's seen hooking up with an unnamed girl at a bar. When the girl tries to tell her her name, she cuts her off with a very simple "No," and continues the make out session like nothing happened. After the episode premiered, actor Savannah Smith confirmed on Twitter that Monet is "into girls" — later clarifying, "And only girls." Have I mentioned how much I love her?
I'm into the new Gossip Girl, but I really need more Monet. Smith recently told Essence that her character would get a bit more backstory throughout the season, and I really hope that's true. Because as much as I love her mean girl, DGAF personality now, I'm sure I'll love her even more when I know what her actual deal is. (Where are her parents? Why isn't she running the school if she has the juice to get a teacher fired?) In the meantime, let it be known that I would die for Monet, slayer of Brad Pitt, owner of my heart.
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Image: Karolina Wojtasik/HBO Max