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Milo's Short Shorts Aren't Cool. Do You Know What's Cool? Milo's Culottes.

- Celebrity News -
Milo's Short Shorts Aren't Cool. Do You Know What's Cool? Milo's Culottes.

Shimmy into a subway seat on a hot day in August. As you try to find a comfortable position as sweat starts to somehow drip from the knee up (nothing works the way it should on the C train, even gravity), your shorts wedge higher. When you arrive at your stop, you stand up and desperately try to pull down your shorts, hoping other passengers didn't see the inseam sucked into your inner thigh. It's not a great look. At least, not for anyone but Luke Danes' nephew, because Milo Ventimiglia's short shorts are still making Jess apologists sweat — and not because an MTA transistor knocked out the AC.

It's been one month since the actor was spotted leaving the gym in a pair of shorts that seemed to be particularly lacking in fabric, but he's still managed to score a headline about the look, talking to The Talk about their "normal length." As he described:

I wasn't even thinking about it. The shorts are normal length, but when I work out I kind of fold them up just so I can work a little harder. It's even a joke around some of my friends that are inside the gym when I'm there. We all know one another...you know get under a bar or get on a machine or something and my shorts get hiked up really high, then everyone kind of hoots and hollers.

And though. the actor is "excited" about the response, he shouldn't be surprised, since Jess Nation would tolerate him in any breed of trouser. Or would they? Thanks to an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I turned Milo into a real-life paper doll to help him model some of fashion's biggest crimes — are you still Team Jess, regardless of the bottom?

Cargo Shorts

Do you like boys who wear Abercrombie & Fitch? If so, you'd like cargo shorts Milo, clad in the best men's fashion the 2000s had to offer. (Which is to say... it didn't offer much.) There's enough pocket room to throw bread at the swans, with enough camouflage to avoid their wrath amongst the Stars Hollow forests.

Culottes

Find me a thirsty Trish that would not eat up Milo in a pair of culottes like he's a fishbowl full of rum. Get this man on a banana boat, STAT.

Golf Capris

Anyone for a round of gold knickers? The bottom says, "hit nine holes with Richard at the country club," the top says, "hit on the Daughters of the American Revolution over vodka martinis after."

Paisley Palazzo Pants

Miss Patty wants to know, dirty boy, what are you doing with your hand underneath this high-waisted pair of beach-y palazzo pants? (And where can she get her own?)

JNCO Jeans

What better place for the dark and brooding Jess Mariano to hide his feelings than in a roomy pair of '90s-era JNCO jeans?

Tobias Ventimiglia

Do these effectively hide his thunder?

Our dear Milo is never-nude, but he's close, and at least he's brought Team Jess weeks of entertainment. Just wait 'til he brings out the mom jeans.

Image: Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.

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