Tap, tap... is this thing on? Clears throat. Hello, I'm Allison Piwowarski. Your regularly scheduled Summer House recap by Sam Bush isn't happening today because she is on vacation and escaping the horror that is Austen Kroll invading our precious Monday nights. You may know me from Sam's podcast, Hot Off the Mess, where I occasionally provide insight on Bravo, Love Is Blind, or MLMs, and crowdsource solutions for my sleeping issues. Or maybe you don't know me at all. And that's fine, because everything you need to know about me can be distilled into three bullet points:
- I get crippling secondhand embarrassment
- I once was given a pillow from Craig Conover himself (it had a crab on it because it "fit my personality")
- I hate Austen Kroll
You may see where this is going.
To be given the opportunity to take digital pen to paper in Sam's stead for this particular episode of Summer House is perhaps the greatest honor I've ever been gifted. To also be given the opportunity to rip Austen — from front to back — apart, professionally, is all I've wanted to do since I sat down in Creative Writing 101 freshmen year of college. So without further ado, I hope you'll accept this recap from me graciously, and know your regularly scheduled programming will return next week.
Kyle is still turning 67 at the beginning of this episode of Summer House, and has spent the last week waxing poetic about how people need to stay out of his and Amanda's soon-to-be marriage. Amanda was horrified (what else is new?) while Kyle basically just pulled out his greatest hits while a group of confused costars looked on. Normally, I wouldn't blame someone for telling people to stay out of their relationship with their partner. Unfortunately, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, STYle. If you are going to spend five years showing an audience of eager reality TV fans your nightmarish relationship, you can't protest when people have something to say.