Oh god. If they haven't already committed themselves, I'd like to thank them for witnessing and sticking through many a Google searches that look like "leg feels kind of numb, but can still feel things in certain areas REDDIT." We've accidentally landed on Red Pill Reddit before, that was tough. I've self-diagnosed medical conditions I don't have so many times that I'm sure, at a certain point, my NSA agent has formed some type of Munchausen. I hope he/she/they are well. 

They’ve seen my TikToks. Or Instagram stories. Or texts to you.

The number of times they've had to watch Christina Aguilera's "Come On Over" music video and Dream's "This Is Me" music video... I am so sorry, NSA agent. 

I'm not sure it's much better that I've graduated to serial killer wikis and unusual death wikis. 

I'd like to thank them for putting up with my Gif phase. There was a time -- and that time was when they first introduced the Gif searching function on iOS -- where I'd send a Gif for EVERYTHING. I'm nauseous just thinking about it. I'm sure the NSA is too. "A simple, 'sounds good' was too hard for you, Lynne?? Need a full on Gif from the Hangover to communicate that, did you??" Poor things.

Sometimes when I'm down a 3 am internet rabbit hole, googling things like "Serial Killers and their Zodiac Signs", I think about my poor, poor NSA agent. That b*tch has seen some things.

They've witnessed the times I've watched "Scenes from Grey's Anatomy that make you cry" compilation videos on Youtube, read the absolutely unhinged text message thread I share with my best friend, Donny, and lived through that weird period of time where I listened to Salt-N-Pepa's "None of Your Buisness" approximately 96 times a day for no reason. (I make no apologies for the last one, it's a bop.)

Being the government agent who monitors my phone is one of the most thankless jobs in the world, so I just wanted to give a little shoutout. Hey, boo. I know you're reading this. Thanks for being you.  

What do you want to apologize to your NSA agent for? Comment Below. (Because they'll definitely see it) 

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