Welcome to Retro Recaps, where we revisit your favorite old shows and give them the modern recap treatment that they always deserved. We've done Buffy The Vampire Slayer's Silent Episode; Rachel's 18-page letter from Friends, and today, we're getting into Sex and the City. Caution: snark ahead.

It is a testament to its power that still, almost two decades later, whenever I hear the HBO logo’s static I immediately cue up in my head, “Boooop boop boo boo, Booop boop boop boo boo.” There is something about Sex and the City that sunk its claws so deep into my mind that it will never let go. This was a show made for recapping and if it came 15 years later, it would have spawned even more think pieces than Girls and Game of Thrones combined.

When SATC was originally on I was just out of college and living in Washington D.C. and it was the only show that was appointment television for me. (That’s what we had before streaming, kids.) It represented a fantasy life for me, living in the big city, having fabulous friends, an apartment that I could no way afford on a writer’s salary and still money left over to buy designer shoes. Oh, and being ~sexually liberated, but I guess I could be (and was!) a slut wherever I was. You can change your location, but you can’t change your essence.