We All Know What's Missing From 'RHONY' And We're Too Ashamed To Admit It

- Real Housewives of New York -
We All Know What's Missing From 'RHONY' And We're Too Ashamed To Admit It

We are all here without Dorinda, and it fucking sucks. There, I said it. I usually say, "Oh I could watch the Real Housewives of New York do anything!" but this season proved me wrong. No one on the show this year has a personal storyline, except Leah, and no offense but a dying grandmother does not a storyline make, and without personal stories, we are adrift.

This week, there was a 1970s pageant (with four people in the audience), Leah's grandmother died, and Eboni had an election party. That was it, and it was a goddamn snooze fest. Sonja was a mime and I was bored; that's how you know it's bad.

This season there's just nothing for anyone to sink their teeth into. Not a single one of those women has a storyline other than Leah's grandmother and Luann dating Garth, which I'm assuming wasn't even real seeing as they are no longer together. (And I heard they broke up right after filming.) But hey, A for effort Lu. You tried.

I want drama (authentic drama), I want giggles (authentic giggles). I want these women shooting someone side-eye over an iceberg salad and Pinot Grigio. I don't want whatever this * gestures wildly around at the general vibe of Season 13 * is. Yes, it has it's moments. But overall, what are we watching?

I know what we're not watching.

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In a cartoon, when a character is really hungry, they start imagining objects as T-Bone steaks, and that is literally me with Ms. Dorinda Medley right now. I keep thinking about her traipsing up and down the stairs of Ramona's house a little wine drunk, about to go watch her favorite Law & Order.

Then eventually Leah would go in Dorinda's room to complain about Heather, and Dorinda, being Holla's Berkshire sister, would then cuss Leah out and tell her to stop with the fucking dramatics and go be with her grandma.

Bringing Heather in without a natural connection beside Lu and Ramona (which is not a natural connection, you'll recall) just doesn't make sense. But with Dorinda, we probably would've gotten more than three episodes out of Heather.

Dorinda would also bridge that gap between Ramona and Leah. I really hate when housewives seem so divided; that's why the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is so good this year. It's because there is so much going on within in each relationship.

And last season on RHONY, Dorinda and Leah really hit it off and we know Dorinda has a long, long history with Ramona, so it would have been nice to kind of see Dorinda play both sides and to try to get them to relate to one another.

Sonja could be that bridge that Dorinda definitely would have been, but Sonja's more of a highway crossing than the Golden Gate if you get what I'm saying. I love Sonja, but you've gotta dodge a lot of speeding cars in order to get to solid ground. My Sonjarita is just not as confrontational as Dorinda, who really would have made things happen.

I heard you all call for Dorinda's resignation after her tough Season 12. I heard it loud and fucking clear and stayed strong in my conviction that we would regret her leaving. And look at us now. I learned my lesson because I too have called for a firing of a housewife, and I have deep regret. That housewife is Tamra Judge, or as I refer to her, Tammy Sue. Because wow, what a fucking mistake.

Tamra WAS Real Housewives of Orange County. Sure, she didn't always do the right thing, yeah, she was little dramatic, but guess what? She did her fucking job and she did it well. Now I'm stuck watching Gina "Casita" Kirschenheiter, and Emily "New Hip" Simpson. I am tired!

I know our girl Dorinda had a rough season last year, I understand. But, who hasn't. We watched Luann literally assault a police officer, I've seen Porsha accuse Kandi of allegedly trying to rape her, and I mean, Teresa is a felon. And they're all still on their shows.

Now, the only thing that brings me peace is knowing Our Lord and Savior Andy Cohen has said on his radio show, Radio Andy: “I am really hopeful that this is indeed a pause, and that she will rejoin the show at some point. I have said that to her a couple of times, and by the way, I do not say that too often.”

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