All season, The Real Housewives of Atlanta has been building up to Cynthia Bailey’s surprise bachelorette party. We knew that Kandi Burruss was hosting, the theme based on her Welcome to the Dungeon parties, that there would be a stripper involved, and that two of the women would allegedly hook up with said stripper. But, even with all the promos, reports, and rumors, the RHOA bachelorette party was somehow still more wild than expected. Honestly, I’m surprised this was allowed to air during primetime TV.
Yes, it does seem like someone — or someones — had sex with the stripper. But as the episode makes clear, that’s really none of our business. Even though this is a reality show, at a certain point in the night, production left, mic packs were removed, and the women took on the task of covering up the cameras placed around the house themselves. Well, most of the cameras. They missed a key one outside.
At this point, the women wanted to really let loose, which apparently meant making out with a Friend Of, getting a special dance from Bolo the stripper, or getting the “receipt” on whether Bolo’s bolo in his pants is real, depending on who you ask. (Thanks for that last one, Cynthia.) And, for Kenya Moore, it meant investigating what went down the next day, much to the annoyance of everyone else, since they agreed that what happened in the dungeon would stay in the dungeon.
But, my favorite part of the episode was not who hooked up with whom and who might get in trouble later; it was the absolute chaos of it all. This episode was a damn mess and that was clear in the random shots of things like glasses left on the floor the next morning, someone’s lost weave, and… a shark? Here are 20 of the most chaotic things spotted during this immediately classic episode.
The Decor of the Rental House
Kandi ran the show when it came to the bachelorette party. And since the theme was based on her Welcome to the Dungeon party, the theme was, basically, sex. Kandi provided skimpy outfits for everyone and made them refer to her as “mistress.” But the South Carolina beach house provided a hilarious backdrop. The bright overhead lighting was far from sexy, the decor was shabby chic, and there were cute yellow flowers everywhere.
These Cleaning Products
Again, an assortment of cleaning products on a mantel really just does not go with the BDSM vibe.
A Stripper in a Box Wearing Fake Chanel
Kandi hired a stripper named Bolo for the night, and our first introduction to him came when was shown dancing inside of a plastic box in the backyard while wearing a Chanel half-jacket-thing, headband, and face mask. You see, Bolo was good a social distancing... at first.
“Yes, Bolo with the fake Chanel outfit on!” Marlo Hampton said in her confessional. “You like fashion, but it’s not authentic!”
A Handle of Hennessy
There was a lot of alcohol at this party. At one point, Porsha Williams was shown making a drink while a handle of Hennessy sat next to vodka, tequila, and more. No wonder they were all so drunk. I don’t think I’ve seen a handle of anything since college.
Bolo’s Face Shield
When it was time for Bolo to perform inside, he put on a face shield. It wasn’t designer.
The Stacks of Dollar Bills
For the performance, Kandi handed the women thousands of dollars in ones like it was nothing. And, for her, it probably is.
The Money Covered Floor
If you hand out stacks of dollar bills, they end up on the floor. Again, this would not be a casual thing for most of us, but the Real Housewives of Atlanta are not most of us.
A Half-Eaten Slice of Bread on a Sofa
The day after the party provided some of the episode's funniest shots, and for that, I thank the RHOA production staff. Of all the things that we’re shown in the wreckage from the night before, the half eaten slice of bread sitting on the arm of a sofa is my favorite. Nothing sounds worse to snack on while drunk than mushy bagged bread. And apparently someone agreed, because they didn’t make it through the whole slice.
Someone’s Lost Braid
Someone lost a braid during the night. Kenya might be doing her own investigating when it comes to the Bolo situation, but I figured this one out. Judging by their bachelorette party ‘dos, it was either Cynthia, Porsha, or LaToya Ali.
This Dollar Bill and Whip
What? You’ve never woken up hungover to a dollar bill and whip sitting on your couch?
These Shoes and Glasses
This one was actually a normal sign of a good night unlike pretty much everything else.
Marlo's Self-Help Book
All of the women called it a night at different points, and we know that at least some of them were up until 6 a.m. Marlo, though, went to bed at a reasonable enough hour that she was able to wake up and read a book about meditation.
Marlo’s Dressing Room Sign
When Kenya gave Marlo a crappy room during the trip, Marlo decided to make the living room into her sleeping area and turn the bedroom into her walk-in closet. Her homemade "Marlo's Dressing Room!!" sign attached with what appears to be gaffers tape from production has a certain je n'ais se quoi.
These Next-Day Drinks
Only four women — Marlo, Drew Sidora, Porsha, and Kandi — actually made it to the next day’s activity, which was a fishing trip. For the road, Marlo made a flask of Hennessy for Porsha, tequila for Drew, and brought some sparkling rosé for herself. I’m nauseous just thinking about anyone drinking after the night they had.
Drew’s Face When She Heard What Happened in the Dungeon Wasn’t Staying in the Dungeon
While this list is mostly about the objects spotted in the episode, a mention has to go to Drew’s face when she heard Kenya was talking about what happened the night before even though everyone decided that it would be off-limits. The fact that she was holding what appeared to be a piece of fruit wrapped in a paper towel to take with her on the fishing trip only made it better.
The Contrast Between Kandi & Marlo’s Fishing Outfits
Would you expect anything else?
The Shark
Somehow, even though this episode included a quite literal sex party, the action didn’t stop there. On the fishing trip, the women caught a huge shark. (They immediately let it go, by the way.) Did I enjoy seeing a shark being caught? No. But it’s mind-blowing that it happened during the same episode. This show felt like it was about three hours long.
LaToya’s Shrimp Boil
Someone who admittedly doesn’t know how to cook making a shrimp boil the day after a rowdy party added another level of crazy to this episode. Why a shrimp boil? Why LaToya? Why weren’t all these people hungover out of their minds?
Marlo’s Chanel Bag Looking So Out of Place
Again, it’s hard to get over how the decor of this beach house contrasted with literally everything that happened inside the beach house — from a stripper in fake Chanel to Marlo’s out of place real handbag.
These Candles
Finally, we got this candle setup at dinner the night after the bachelorette party. Someone — who, we don't know — decided to decorate the outside table with these very awkward looking candles. But, as Tanya Sam pointed out, there was no silverware or napkins or anything else.
There might be some mysteries when it comes to what went down after the cameras turned off, but one thing's for sure: The person who owns this rental house should probably not watch this episode.
Image: Bravo