A Delightfully Snide Ranking Of The 'Love Island UK' Cast, From Absolute Worst To Absolute Best

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A Delightfully Snide Ranking Of The 'Love Island UK' Cast, From Absolute Worst To Absolute Best

In the United States, new episodes of Love Island UK are available on Hulu literally every day, but here’s the catch: they’re released about two weeks after their initial air date in Britain. So, for international readers, please note that I’m going off information that is admittedly 14 days old. Please no spoilers! And for those of you in the US who are also watching on Hulu: welcome.

Love Island UK is in the throes of its seventh season, and now that the show has entered the critical Casa Amor phase, it’s time to do what any credible online writer is trained for: a catty ranking of the cast members and couples.

This season of Love Island UK, our horny boys and girls are in a villa in Mallorca where they are to chat, snog, and ideally fall in love. It’s never quite that easy though, is it? The cycle of will-they, won't-they continues across fifty-plus episodes, which may sound like a grueling test of TV stamina, but I’m here to report that… yes, that’s exactly what it is. But also, it’s deeply, fantastically absorbing. Hence the need for an all-important listicle.

Without further ado, here is the pre-Casa Amor list, from worst to best.

Hugo

Every season has its “nice guy” who strikes out for weeks on end — but there’s striking out and then there’s Hugo, who seems unwilling to even step up to the plate. He summarily dismissed Sharon, AJ, and Georgia after increasingly swift discussions, and as a result, their journeys in the villa were cruelly cut short.

There’s also the whole question about whether Hugo is even a Nice Guy, as per his rep. He’s prone to passive-aggressive chortles, and his reasons for shunning Sharon and AJ were laced with elitist underpinnings (which were never more apparent than when he inadvertently shamed half the girls in the villa for their admittedly abundant plastic surgery enhancements). And of course, there was his whole imbroglio with Toby, but that’s another issue. Ultimately, it’s unclear why Hugo is even on the show, much less why he keeps skating by during eliminations. He truly is the Sanjaya Malakar of Love Island, but without any of the campy upside.

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