Welcome to Retro Recaps, where we revisit your favorite old shows and give them the modern recap treatment that they always deserved. We've done Buffy's silent episode, Friends' 18-page letter, Sex and the City's Fleet Week episode, Gossip Girl's Snowflake Ball episode, The O.C.'s Chrismukkah episode, Lost's "The Constant," Gilmore Girls' dance marathon episode, and that bonkers One Tree Hill episode where a dog ate a heart. (Check out all our Retro Recaps here.) Today, we dive into Grey's Anatomy. Caution: snark ahead.

Up until an hour before writing this, I had never seen an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I know. I know. This thing has become a television institution, powered the sexual fantasies of many a suburban mother, become the tentpole that the Shonda Rhimes empire was built on, and made Ellen Pompeo one of the highest paid actresses on television. My mom is going to be so happy that I finally got into Grey’s.

What’s funny, though, is the show is such a pop cultural juggernaut that I know practically everything about it. I know all of the actors, I know the names of their characters, I know that Katherine Heigl once eliminated herself from Emmy competition for the show, I know that T.R. Knight came out as gay and that Isaiah Washington was fired for calling him the F-word. I know who is still on the show (not many of the people from Season 2) and who is not. I know that Patrick Dempsey is still a hot piece and that he did his finest work playing a pizza delivery boy-turned-male gigolo in the movie Loverboy. It gave watching the show a strange sense of familiarity, even though I know as much about it as teenage boys know about showering every day.