Looking back at 7th Heaven, it's hard to believe that the Christian family drama was a thing that was actually on television and not a collective fever dream of millennials. To put it mildly, the show was batshit crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I often wonder how we ever watched this? As entertainment? Because not only were the storylines messy, the characters themselves also kind of sucked. Which is why, in the year 2021, it's time to finally declare once and for all which Camden child was the absolute worst.
Reverend Eric Camden and his wife, Annie, had seven children. They also ended up opening their home to multiple white homeless children in later seasons as their own "kids" grew up and left the show, but we won't burden them by calling them actual Camden children. (T-Bone has been through enough.) Instead, we'll focus this post on the O.G. Camden children: Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, Sam and David.
7/6. Sam & David
The youngest Camden children, Sam and David, weren't even alive when the show started in 1996, and they weren't even 10 years old when the show ended in 2007, which makes them the best Camden children. Sure, their twin habits of speaking in unison and awkwardly finishing each other's sentences was a bit more Shinning than cutesy, but as the only children who didn't go through puberty on the show, they spared us having to listen to more sex talks with dad.
5. Mary
Mary was, for lack of a better term, probably the most normal of the Camden children. Yes, she had her odder moments — like when she asked her older brother to teach her how to kiss in the pilot (a real thing that aired on national television), or when she, a teenager, got engaged to teen dad Wilson and bad boy turned Camden family roommate Robbie. But, overall, Mary was just a normal teen who rebelled against her strict parents. Eventually all that rebellion (staying out late! drinking! tee-peeing the school gym!), got her shipped off to Buffalo. There, she continued to get into some trouble, but for the most part, Mary leveled out, and, though she stopped appearing in the later seasons, I think it's safe to say that she ended as one of the most well-adjusted Camden children. (Though that Season 9 drama of her divorcing her husband and giving up custody of her son was...not great.)
4. Matt
Oh, Matt, you shaggy-haired cutie. As the oldest of the Camden kids, Matt had a leg up in the "not being horrible" game because he was already almost out of high school when the series began. He was spared some of the cringe-worthy puberty storylines his younger siblings had to go through, which immediately made him more likable. That said, he did have his fair share of absolutely cringe-worthy storylines, like the above kissing lesson with his sister, or how desperate he was to have sex that he literally proposed marriage to like every woman he ever laid eyes on. All in all, though, Matt was a pretty benign character. He never really hurt anybody, wasn't overly annoying or preachy, and he went against his parents to marry Sarah, a — gasp — Jewish woman!
3. Ruthie
I struggled with whether or not Ruthie deserved such a high spot on this list. After all, she was just a little girl when the show started. Of course she was annoying! Most child characters are! But, she earned being the third most insufferable Camden child when she grew into her late teenage years. The way she manipulated people around her, especially her siblings and the wayward teens her parents took in (like Robbie and Martin) was so bratty. And her lower back tattoo that just said "T-Bone" was really the last straw.
2. Lucy
I'll admit, I'm a bit biased when it comes to Lucy. As a middle/youngest child who was jealous of a cool older sister, I related to her desire for attention and her insistence on acting older than she was. But, facts are facts, and the truth of the matter is that Lucy Camden was... the worst. What started as teenage cluelessness evolved into adult absurdity as she grew increasingly high maintenance and dramatic. Granted, Lucy had a lot of work to do in the later years. As one of the only O.G. Camden children to make it through all 11 seasons, she had to bring the drama, the comedy, and the religious preaching. And her character's likability suffered as a result.
1. Simon
There is no question that Simon started out as the sweetest Camden child. He was an adorable, innocent romantic, but as he became a teenager, he became more of a player. He had his standout moments, like when he helped a fellow teen surrender her newborn baby off to a hospital. But, eventually, his storylines got old. He was constantly talking about sex — should he have it, does he have a gasp STD, should he cheat on his girlfriend, etc. — while simultaneously being a pretty bad boyfriend. There was also the whole storyline where he accidentally killed a classmate. As far as Camden family mistakes go, that was definitely the worst.
Image; Screenshot via Hulu