All good things must come to an end and friends, we've reached the end: it's time for the Summer House Season 5 reunion, part two, the final bow. Forever known heretofore as The COVID Season, it's time to pack up our masks and bid it adieu along with Hannah, Luke, Kyle, Amanda, Paige, Carl, Lindsay, Ciara, Danielle, and those unsung heroes who delivered all of the Amazon packages.
But, before we get to toast with whatever Andy Cohen serves up, we must talk. We must mention it all, because what started as a light-hearted will-they-won't-they between Luke and Hannah has ended in an all-out he-said, she-said war between Hannah and like, everyone (but mainly Kyle). Can you believe we were ever invested in Luke and Hannah when really, it's the Hannah/Kyle dynamic that makes the world go round? I feel sheepish.
Part one of the reunion was so crazy (Hannah talked mad shit on podcasts! Ciara blocked Luke! Stravy wasn't working and no one is surprised! He was probably playing SIMS and sending fwds: to his family!) that the text messages about it froze my phone. So tonight, we take it to the streets. And by streets I mean the comments.
When you tune in tonight at 10:15pm ET, be sure to click that little green circle on this page and chat with me (hi, I'm Lindsay), The Dipp's Executive Editor Allison Piwowarski, and our CEO Kate Ward (she's not like, a regular CEO, she's a cool CEO) about everything that happens during the reunion part two.
Will Hannah redeem herself? (LOL.) What will Luke say that breaks the fourth wall? And will Amanda shout out a Loverboy discount code? (Please god.) Let's talk about it all as it unfolds. Tell your friends you won't be texting them tonight about Summer House – you have a new group chat you're hanging with. It's us: we're the new group chat. Just hit the green chat bubble already, don't make me comment by myself :(
See you here tonight at 10:15pm ET!
LIVE UPDATES:
-- Kyle is chugging rosé out of a bottle and Hannah is sipping water out of a straw. Could these two be any different? Amanda's right, though, Kyle needs to calm down so that he can make his points clearly and coherently.
BTW, what do you guys think they're all doing on their phones? Looking over their talking points in their Notes App? Same.
You guys are getting ready:
-- The Carlassiance montage is in full-effect. You love to see the Wirkus Circus in throwbacks! Interesting that Danielle and Paige are both still interested... Danielle is with her boyfriend Robert, so that's prob a joke, like the hand job, but Paige? I can see it.
-- Never thought we'd get a Captain Lee shoutout on Summer House. "It's the true definition of the Bravo Family," says Amanda, and ... I want in. Carl had a tough winter but our boy Kyle was there for him and this is more tears than I was prepared for. Stop making me feel things!
-- Thank you Andy for addressing Lindsay's i n c r e d i b l e body slam of Kyle during the Pub Crawl fight. ROTC FTW.
-- LISTEN, I don't know about Ciara's 9 p.m rule. Amanda is right, though, it's more about the boundary that Ciara set that Luke didn't respect, and less about the timing. But also, Lindsay, shh. Luke texting you is not the same as Luke texting an ex.
-- WAS HANNAH'S COUGH FAKE OR REAL: DISCUSS. Also that was so awkward afterward. That silence lasted longer than Lindsay and Stravy's relationship.
You guys weighed in:
-- The way this cast loves a fingerbang and a hand job ... you have to respect their PG-13 vibes.
-- Yay, Danielle and Robert are doing well! She says he's the one! Yay, Paige and Perry broke up! He wasn't the one!
Y'all love you some Danielle:
-- When Lindsay says that Stravy "ran away again multiple times" ... it's just girl. You push. You know you push! He just didn't come back multiple times after you pushed him. And now, rumor has it that Lindsay is dating Jason Cameron, a model, who is supposedly on Winter House. I saw them together on Instagram Stories. In one Story, Lindsay's friend calls Jason, Lindsay's "man."
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
-- Danielle is coming in way too hot. All of a sudden they're acting like that Lindsay/Luke rumor was the end of the world? It's fun!! Everyone relax!! And obvi Stravy wouldn't have cared; his SIMS were keeping him busy. I'm with Paige on this point: it wasn't malicious. And yeah, they're creating story. I don't begrudge that.
-- The Des Timeline emerges. They met on July 11, went on three or four dates, and then Des was like, "I guess I'll see you in seven weeks and I hope we can pick this back up after."
You all aren't letting Luke off the hook:
-- OK, Lindsay breaks it down the best when she says that people are pissed at Hannah because Hannah made it seem like Luke was stringing her along, when really, on the side, Hannah had this whole thing going with Des.
-- LUKE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL: He says he was "produced" to ask Hannah to go to Minnesota, and that he never should've done that. Andy says that's not true. (But that was a weird voice-over from Andy. That didn't sound like he said it in the moment. And his lips didn't really match up.) Carl says that's not true. Hannah says that's the most fucked up thing. WHO DO WE BELIEVE FAM
-- Andy says he doesn't believe Luke, because Luke told producers after they wrapped that he was trying to find a date to bring home to Minnesota. WHAT IS THE TRUTH. And let me just say that it wasn't until Ciara moved couches and sat next to Amanda that I noticed they're kinda wearing the same thing in a dress and a pantsuit form.
Here's an interesting theory:
-- Luke's apology seems about as sincere has Hannah's tears, which is to say, this all seems faker than one of Lisa Rinna's handbags.
-- Am I wrong ... I just don't feel like the Hannah and Des hook-up in Kyle and Amanda's bathroom is THAT big of a deal? I see Amanda's point that Hannah could have told them, but at the same time, like, whatever? She should have but she didn't and it's a little funny. I just can't get that mad about it.
-- Ooooooh. Ok! Get out your Sunglass Hut gift card that your aunt got you in the '90s because it is getting shady in here. The revelation that Hannah told the press that Kyle didn't congratulate her on her engagement, and she spun that story as Kyle being a bad guy, when really, Hannah didn't tell them about it... now that's pretty fucked up.
Y'all want more of this beautiful mess:
-- Paige! Picking sides! She's Team Amanda when it comes to whether or not Hannah should've told Amanda about her engagement.
-- Hannah's weepiness over getting attacked this summer and wanting to save her friendship with Kyle and Amanda doesn't feel authentic. I think it was Paige's push on-stage to have Hannah apologize made Hannah realize she needs to do a little groveling.
-- AMANDA BLOCKS HANNAH. Figuratively. Amanda is done, the friendship is done, no one seems particularly sad about it, except maybe Hannah's agent somehow somewhere, who might lose a commission if Hannah isn't invited back for Season 6.
-- It was Amanda's "k" for me.
-- We toast to the season with a sandwich, and we find out that Carl is on a low carb diet. If that's not the most Summer House note to end on, I don't know what is.
Just a head's up... our best guess for the Winter House premiere date is June...
Thanks for joining us!