A Kim Cattrall-less Sex and the City reboot has officially been announced, and I don't know about you, but I feel about 25% less sexy already. On the bright side, the fan fiction writer inside of me is abuzz with possible ways Sex and the City could write Samantha out of the show, and leave Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda to carry on drinking Cosmos without her.
It's no surprise that Cattrall isn't coming back for the HBO Max reboot, And Just Like That... She has flat out declared she would never return to the franchise in multiple interviews for the past 10 years. We all knew this was coming, and fans are already jumping to recast the role, with one fan suggesting Jennifer Coolidge in Sarah Jessica Parker's Instagram comments. SJP quickly responded, per E! News, shutting down any rumors of a Samantha recast. "We have some new stories to tell," she wrote in part, later adding that she would "miss" Cattrall and her character on the show.
Assuming Cattrall won't be returning to even say farewell to her iconic character, Samantha will have to be written off the show without any recasting or flashbacks. And I've got a few ideas how they may do that.
RIP Samantha Jones
News outlets are already pondering whether or not the Sex and the City reboot will kill Samantha to explain her disappearance. It's certainly possible. Not only would Samantha's death put an effective end to her storyline, thus rendering the question of a possible Cattrall return moot, but it would also provide a great dramatic catalyst to kick off the new series. Perhaps Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda have struggled to keep in touch after Samantha's death, and the show will track their reunion. Or they'll be grieving, and making drastic life decisions in the wake of the loss.
This leads me to my next question: how Samantha would actually die? I, personally, have a few possible theories:
Samantha Dies of Cancer
The most popular theory on Twitter seems to be that Samantha will die from cancer. In Season 6, Samantha battled breast cancer, and it's not inconceivable that it could have returned in the decade in between Sex and the City 2 and And Just Like That...
If the showrunners do decide that Samantha died of cancer, how soon before the opening of the show will this have happened? Will Samantha have just died, with Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte still mourning their friend? Or, will Samantha have died years ago? One Twitter user theorized that the first episode could even take place at Samantha's funeral, to which I say, that's super dark, girl.
Samantha Dies From Every New Yorker's Nightmare
Ask any New Yorker what they're afraid of in the city and they will say one of four things: getting run over by a cab and dying; falling into the subway tracks and dying; falling into a manhole and dying; or being flattened by a falling window AC unit... and dying. Now, as fans will recall, Samantha has already fallen into a manhole and survived, so one of the others would be more likely. Would it be a cruel way to go? Yes, but it would also be extremely New York. That's just a fact.
Samantha Dies In A Sex Accident
OK, hear me out. Samantha loves sex — she LOVES it — and she's adventurous. She's definitely got that "I'll try anything once" spirit in the bedroom. And, based on the 20+ seasons of Law & Order: SVU I have seen, I know that sometimes more experimental or kinky sex can, unfortunately, lead to death. (There have been many suspected accidental chokings over the year, and that's all I'll say about that.)
To be clear, I am not suggesting that we actually see Samantha die in bed, but it would be a funny, and slightly meta, throwaway line for one of the ladies to mention Samantha's tragic fall mid-trapeze sex. After all, it's how she would want to go, you know?
Samantha Jones, Hollywood Exec
When we last saw Samantha in Sex and the City 2, she was enjoying the single life and a thriving career as a publicist. Maybe she went back on her whole "L.A. isn't for me" realization from the first Sex and the City movie and decided to move across the country for good. This way, Samantha could still appear in And Just Like That... via one-sided phone calls or text messages, and they wouldn't have to worry so much about explaining her absence. Samantha is a boss bitch who's running Hollywood — enough said.
A Falling Out
Sometimes the best choice is the simplest: just don't mention it — or if you do, do it sparingly. Friends fall out all the time, and it wouldn't be the most surprising plot twist if Samantha had a falling out with the rest of the group. All they'd have to do is mention once or twice that they don't talk to her anymore, or if they'd heard any updates on her social media, and that would do it. Easy, simple, and, most of all, relatable. Is it the most satisfying? Maybe not, but breaking up with a friend never is.
Image: HBO Max