I purchased a 401k's worth of wine during the pandemic, but I still won't pay the $4 to upgrade to an ad-less Hulu. That means I have the joy of repeatedly watching the Liberty Mutual's aggressive emu, Progressive Insurance's absolutely abhorrent Mara (Mara. Is. The. Worst.), and Antoni Porowski's Hello Fresh commercials. And, dear reader and fellow Queer Eye fans, I'm concerned.

Look, quarantine has done a number on all of us. Catch me on a bad day, and I, too, might twist up a napkin like a limp mall pretzel and pretend it's an origami swan that my cat made as just a great little helper. (It's just a nice thought, isn't it?) But, in the middle of the ad, while Antoni is waxing poetic about Hello Fresh's chicken gyro couscous bowl, and the hummus swoosh it inspires, he also tells us:

"I love this dish. It's got more layers than a backhanded compliment from my dad."

Ahem. Let's look at that again:

"I love this dish."

An Antoni endorsement? I'm in!

"It's got more layers..."

I love layers! Fall's my favorite season!

"...than...'

I know this one! Ogres!

"...a backhanded compliment from my dad."

One second we're referencing the existential demons that have haunted our thoughts since childhood; the next... Big Dill Energy.

Look, I've had the chicken gyro couscous bowl, and while it does inspire dark thoughts of pairing it with a glass of Chardonnay (sometimes we do self-destructive things), I can't say its powerful enough to surface the childhood trauma you've been holding in like a cough on the subway. The za'atar is a nice touch, though.

There is, however, some context. Antoni has talked about his dysfunctional relationship with his family, though he insists he and his Brussels-born father are close. As he told The Canadian Press in 2019: "We speak multiple times a day [but we] weren't particularly close growing up. He worked a lot, there wasn't any type of animosity or anything like that, but he was very committed to supporting the family."

But, as Antoni has taught us, when life gives you lemons, you zest them, and plaster a slightly unhinged smile on your face while looking just slightly off camera.

Antoni we, your fans, are here for you. And Karamo, please pick up Antoni's calls.

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